Arrmac's Blog

Exercising Free Speech

2012-02-12T00:02:00.001-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon, now featured at Arrmac's World.

There has been a lot of talk lately about freedom of speech. The highly unpopular "Citizen's United" case decided by the United States Supreme Court a couple of years ago has many people upset by the decision's implication that money is speech. Subsequent upheavals of last year's Arab Spring and Occupy movements have also inspired more discussions about free speech.

So it is that this cartoon, which I drew in 2005, is very appropriate to revisit at this time.

Certainly we've all heard the common expression that free speech is limited because it would be inappropriate to yell "fire" in a crowded theater. Like many commonly used phrases, our modern usage of "yelling 'fire' in a crowded theater" is an altered version of a real phrase uttered by a real person. That person happened to be Oliver Wendell Holmes who wrote in his opinion of a Supreme Court decision, "The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man falsely shouting fire in a theater and causing a panic." You can read a discussion of the case in this Wikipedia article.

As I've written before, one device that cartoonists use to write humorous gag lines is to turn phrases around. In this case, I turned the famous Holmes quote (or rather its popular interpretation) around. I know that I'm not the first to do this, but I had to do it anyway.

What would be your reaction if someone at a campfire suddenly stood up and yelled, "Thater!"? I just hope that our pal Quagmire was not held in too low esteem by his fellow campers that night, and that he was still allowed to eat (quietly) another "s'more".

The Pretentious One

2012-02-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

When someone tells you they are a painter, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? A house painter? A landscape or portrait painter? How about a sign painter?

Most signs today are probably created with computers and are most certainly printed in mass quantities. However, at one time, sign painters were in constant demand. Painting signs by hand is a dying profession. It is very rare indeed to find practitioners of that craft in this day and age.

Why wouldn't a sign painter take as much pride in his or her output as would a fine artist? Now, if sign painting is not as much in demand as it once was and, if galleries and museums won't sell a sign painter's works, what's a sign painter to do? Create an impromptu street gallery, of course! If it works for the unknown artists among us, why not? Who knows? Perhaps we have arrived at the point where hand-painted signs are as rare as any paintings by the masters. So why not market them as true works of art? Wearing a smock and beret can only help, I say!

We're Not Here To Play Games!

2012-02-04T22:53:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Let it be said that I am not much of a gambler. Oh, sure, I've visited casinos on numerous occasions and will no doubt return for future visits. However, I limit myself to playing slot machines and Keno. From time to time, I have even won small jackpots. I know how to play blackjack, but not very well. I never learned to play poker or craps. Therefore, playing the table games is out of the question. I once put money down on a roulette table, but that was for someone else who gave me the money to place the bet. I lost. Oh, well.

Still, casinos are interesting places for more reasons than simply the chance to win money. They are a great place to observe people, for one thing. Casinos are not designed for just sitting around and watching the passing parade. The owners of such establishments are not interested in enabling patrons to lounge around. If you want to sit down, you'll find plenty of seats in front of slot machines or at the tables. Otherwise, you better keep moving. Still, when walking around a casino, or while sitting at a slot machine, you can still watch the other casino denizens doing their thing.

I think I've captured some of the types of typical casino patrons in this cartoon. While most people in casinos are average, nondescript, ordinary folks, a few people stand out. I have noticed that the people who play card games are very much different than those who hang out among the slot machines. Why this is, I don't know. Maybe most of us who play the slots are not as flashy. Maybe there's certain air of confidence that table players have that slot players lack. I just can't put my finger on it.

One time, I was in a Las Vegas casino and was playing a quarter machine. Behind me was a row of blackjack tables. While I was sitting there, a guy in a leisure suit walked away from a blackjack game, came up to the machine next to me, played a few quarters, won a small jackpot, and went back to the blackjack table to get back into the game. How in the world did he know to pick that particular machine? Did I win anything from the machine I was playing? No. Nor did I win anything from the machine Mr. Leisure Suit played.

Yep, table game people are a different breed from slot machine players. Maybe Quagmire the Slacker should stick to the slots, you think? Looks to me he's…*ahem*…a fish out of water!

Public Domain Songs, Right?

2012-02-01T17:02:00.001-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Ah, there's nothing like a day in the spring, is there? The grass is getting green again, the flowering trees are blooming, and our favorite birds are back from their winter sojourn in the south.

Regular readers of this blog know that I happen to like birds. Many of my cartoons feature birds directly as key characters. Many more show a pair of birds flying in the distant sky. Birds are fascinating little creatures. They are colorful and seem to be happy as they hop about foraging for food. Mostly, their joyful twittering, chirping, and singing are a delight to hear on a warm, sunny day.

Among the birds, those with the most wonderful songs are mockingbirds. They disappear during the cold months but arrive on the scene again in the early spring. The male mockingbird is the one that does the elaborate singing. They sing quite loudly and enthusiastically, and with good reason. The male mockingbird's song is a mating call. The more elaborate and varied his songs, the more likely he will be able to attract a mate. The males are so determined to find females that they continue to sing around the clock with only short breaks until the right female answers their call. Thus, while most birds sing only during the daylight hours, it's not at all unusual to hear a mockingbird singing away long into the night.

Mockingbirds earned their name because they often sing other species' songs. I've heard mockingbirds mimic the calls of local robins and bluejays, for example. However, from what I can observe, they also make up some of their songs. Some people find mockingbirds to be quite annoying, but I welcome their annual return to my neighborhood and never tire of hearing them provide a free concert. I often wonder where they go during the winter and which birds do they learn to mimic during their travels.

Nowadays, with our marvelous advances in technology, there might be another way for mockingbirds to acquire and expand their repertoire. What do you think, gentle reader? Do you think mockingbirds download some of their songs?

The Fashion Statement

2012-01-29T00:11:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that Quagmire the Slacker appears almost exclusively dressed in either of two ways. He sometimes wears his powder-blue tuxedo suit and white shoes. At other times, he wears jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt.

One day, I thought I would mix it up a bit and give our pal something else to wear. I was thinking about how fashion mavens strongly disapprove of wearing stripes and plaids together. I was contemplating this because I happened to be wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a striped t-shirt. Hey, that's how I roll, so don't judge, okay?

It seems to me that if Quagmire can get away with wearing an outdated ensemble such as his blue tuxedo and white shoes, why not get away with wearing stripes and plaids together? After all, who are the fashionistas to dictate what is "right" or "wrong" about clothes? Let them wear what they want. The rest of us can do whatever we darn well please!

So…what say you, gentle reader? Do you agree with Quagmire's galpal Granola that Quagmire's new suit is shockingly disturbing? Or do you agree with me that he looks right sharp in his new duds?

Peek-a-boo! I See You!

2012-01-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Are you familiar with the expression, "to break the fourth wall", gentle reader? If you are, you will understand this cartoon.

If you haven't heard the expression, here's what it means: to break the fourth wall is a dramatic device wherein an actor in a stage play, movie, or television addresses the audience directly. When we watch a dramatic production, particularly on a stage, we are essentially watching people play their parts in an open box. The stage has a floor, a ceiling, and three walls: the wall in back of the players, and a wall on each side. The fourth wall is implied to be the invisible plane through which we, the audience, watch the proceedings on the stage. Normally, the actors play their parts as if that fourth wall was really there. Consequently, the characters do not really see us in the audience. From time to time, however, some plays, movies, or television shows call for one or more of the actors to look at the audience or camera and speak directly to us, the viewers. It's a way for us to be drawn into the play as participants rather than as "flies on the wall". This is what is meant by "breaking the fourth wall".

Breaking the fourth wall is also something that cartoonist may do, both in animated cartoons as well as in comic strips. If you're like me and have read tons of comics and watched tons of cartoons, you know what I mean.

One think I've never seen, at least that I can remember, is a character breaking the fourth wall in a single-panel cartoon, such as this one. So, I figured it was high time that somebody drew one. That "somebody", of course happened to be me. But what would a character in a single-panel cartoon say to the reader and still provide that humorous shock value? My answer is in this cartoon. After all, if you found yourself suddenly seeing a gigantic individual looking at you where there had once been a wall, wouldn't you want to know what was going on?

Regular readers of this blog may recognize the two pictures hanging on one of the other walls in the cartoon. For those among you who are new to this blog, the two pictures are two of my previous cartoons. I thought that was awfully clever of me to include them, don't you?

There's Nothing Romantic About It!

2012-01-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

If you are like me, gentle reader, there was a time when using a computer was as likely as climbing Mount Everest. I distinctly remember thinking, "how can I use a computer when I don't even know how to turn one on?"

My indifference toward computers didn't last too awfully long, however, because using one was eventually required for my job in the late 1980s. And yes, I did learn how to turn the thing on. Actually for me, it turned out that using computers was very easy and for the most part, I taught myself everything I know. At the aforementioned job, we did indeed have an introductory class about using computers. However, by the time it was my turn to take the class, I had already figured out how to do the things the class covered, and much more.

So, by the time I drew this cartoon in 2005, using a computer had long since become not only a daily part of my routine, but it had become second nature to use it. Nevertheless, to this day, there are still people who, for whatever reasons, have no idea how to use computers. Therefore, classes for beginning computer usage are still offered at various institutions of learning.

While I was pondering all this one day, I was reminded that the phrase "to turn on" has two meaning common in our everyday conversation. I have no idea why we "turn on" the radio or TV or the lights because oftentimes doing that has nothing to do with rotating a dial, or "turning" anything else for that matter. Nevertheless, that's what we say to indicate that we have activated appliances of every description.

I also have no idea when or how the phrase, "turn on" became associated with physical arousal. I first became aware of it in the 1960s, which just happened to be when I became aware of that kind of arousal. It was about that time that the phrase became quite common (I think). What did people say about arousal before the invention of electric appliances, before people knew how to "turn on the lights", for example? If George Washington told Martha, "you turn me on," would she look at him like he was crazy? (Maybe she looked at him that way anyhow!)

Well, we'll never know the answer to such questions, but it is fun to ponder anyway. And, leave it to our pal Quagmire to be a wiseacre when assigned the task of teaching a beginning computer class. Can you blame him? I can't!

Pssst! Over Here! Don't Pass Up This Deal!

2012-01-18T00:31:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a perfect example of how quickly a cartoon can become out of date. Back in 2005, the term "hot data" was a phrase that I ran across quite frequently. I remember it being used in the technology news articles featured in the business sections of the daily newspapers of the day. According to the Oracle Glossary, "hot data" is defined thusly: "This term typically refers to frequently accessed data. Hot data typically gets a good cache-hit rate."

Today, in 2012, the term can be found on recently published websites via a Google search, but it's been a long time since I've read the term in the business pages. Therefore, I have to assume that the phrase is not as…ahem…"hot" as it once was. I also have to assume that anyone who reads my cartoon these days may not understand it.

However and fortunately, there are enough computer-oriented picture and word elements in the cartoon to keep it reasonably fresh and relevant. We still understand that everything that computers do depends on the "ones" and "zeroes" of the electric impulses of their circuits. So the ones and zeroes in the trunk of the car, as well as on the highway sign, still make sense. The term "information superhighway" may not be as current as it once was, but people still know what that means. Even the truck emblazoned with "Hyperlink Express" can still resonate with today's readers.

As for the dicey character selling ones and zeroes from the trunk of his car, he was inspired by a memory I have of walking along a side street in Oakland, where I lived for a number of years. One day in the mid-1970s as I walked along said side street, I was invited by someone to take a look at a trunk full of leather coats he was interested in selling. I declined his offer but wished him success. That memory stuck with me for who-knows-what-reason. So any resemblance to the character in my cartoon is definitely not coincidental!

There's Something Mighty Fishy Going On Here...

2012-01-15T01:44:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

The Monterey Bay Aquarium was the inspiration for this cartoon. If you have never visited the Aquarium, be sure to write it on your bucket list. You'll be glad you did.

If you are unable to visit the Aquarium, checking out the official website is the next best thing. As you will see by the slideshow at the top of the main page, the Aquarium offers a wide variety of displays that highlight the myriad species of aquatic life that inhabit the Monterey Bay on California's Central Coast, as well as species found in the ocean outside the Bay.

Among the most spectacular features of the Aquarium are the enormous tanks that are filled with fish. One of those tanks also features a kelp forest. The large tanks have floor-to-ceiling glass windows through which visitors can almost experience the sensation of being underwater. It was while Mrs. Arrmac and I were standing awestruck before one of these big tanks that I thought of what Quagmire the Slacker would do while visiting the Aquarium.

My first gag idea was to have Quagmire casting a line into the water to attempt catching a fish. This would have been rather difficult to do because the tanks are really not all that impressive when viewed from above. Furthermore, it would be difficult to portray him fishing from the vantage point of the interior of the building because the tanks are so deep that it would be difficult to see someone sitting outside with a fishing pole. When visitors peer through the glass walls of the tank, they are about twenty feet below the surface.

So, I did the next best thing and had Quagmire swimming about in the tank. I took liberties with the drawing, however, by creating a generic aquarium environment and having Quagmire swim with a dolphin. There are no dolphins at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but there are sharks. Even Quagmire knows better than to swim with the sharks! Moreover, the tank viewing windows at the Monterey Bay Aquarium are much bigger than the one I drew. You really have to see the place to believe it!

Outside A Department Store

2012-01-10T23:23:00.001-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

At the end of 2004, I decided to break my usual pattern of alternating Quagmire panels with my regular panels and create a "bonus" panel featuring our favorite lovable goofball.

I know what you're probably thinking, gentle reader: "Didn't we just start looking at 2004 cartoons a few weeks ago?" Why, yes, we did. Recall that after Mrs. Arrmac and I moved to Hollister, we became co-authors. Consequently, I began to write more while drawing cartoons less. You will notice that we will move quickly through the cartoons I drew in 2005, 2006, and 2007. By the middle of 2007, I found that co-authoring books had to take precedence and I stopped producing cartoons for my Arrmac's World website. And so, gentle reader, be forewarned: this blog will also come to a close in a very short amount of time. Do not despair, however, because I will leave both of my websites, Arrmac's World, and Arrmac's Blog, online for the foreseeable future. That way, you can come back and enjoy all the posts and the cartoons.

So, anyway, as was my custom, I created a Christmas-themed cartoon for use as a greeting card that Mrs. Arrmac and I sent out to family and friends. I hope you enjoy this one. And, I hope none of us ever have to see a green and black checkered Santa Claus suit!

A Lazy Summer Day—Too Lazy

2012-01-07T23:47:00.001-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Mrs. Arrmac and I moved to our current home in the hot summer month of August. On hot August days, there is nothing more comforting than the sound of the ice cream truck coming up the street.

Of course, every town has an ice cream truck. For that reason, everyone is familiar with the sound that these vehicles make: a tinkly little tune played through low-fidelity speakers. Most ice cream truck drivers play the same tune over and over again. I have to hand it to them for doing that because it would drive me absolutely batty to hear that same tune mile after mile, hour after hour.

Anyway, not long after we moved to this neighborhood, I was amused to hear the melody to "Rock-A-Bye Baby" blaring out of the ice cream truck as it rolled by our house. I had to hear the truck go by several times before I truly believed my ears.

Well, of course, this got my mind spinning. After all, the song is a lullaby, a song mothers sing to their children to help them drift off to sleep. Never mind that the song is actually quite violent, what with babies falling out of trees. I have to repeat: "Rock-A-Bye Baby" is sung to inspire sleep! What does that have to do with selling ice cream to little kids who need to be wide awake and running after the truck?

Who knows why our local ice cream delivery man decided to play this particular song? He must have been a real-life Quagmire the Slacker. Yeah, that's the best explanation I have!

A Close Call, Indeed

2012-01-04T01:46:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

I have long had an interest in UFOs that ranges from mild curiosity to "Gee, I want to run and hide!" I've even seen a few things in the sky that defied explanation. Whether they were actually extraterrestrial in origin (I doubt it) or they were some sort of experimental aircraft, they certainly captured my interest.

Sometimes, as I mentioned in a previous post, I like to listen to a late-night radio show that occasionally features programs about UFOs and space aliens. Mrs. Arrmac and I even visited the UFO museum in Roswell, New Mexico a few years ago. I have to remain skeptical about the subject because everything surrounding the topic of UFOs seems more than a bit cheesy. Everyone who seems to have seen a UFO can't really prove it. The best evidence I've seen is grainy photos or shaky video footage, as well as creepy-looking plastic models of alien "corpses". And, for some unknown reason, this material never becomes any more credible than what was available forty or fifty years ago.

It seems to me that if visitors from other planets have actually landed on Earth, wouldn't we all be absolutely certain of it by now? Think about it. Do you mean to say that they travel all this distance—many light years—and nobody's been asked for even as much as a glass of water by one of these UFO pilots? And how about posing for a quick snapshot with one of us Earthlings? Seems to me that would be a standard procedure for any vacationing space man!

One thing that I've wondered for a long time is how can we be sure that extraterrestrials are our size? Why can't they be the size of bugs and fly saucers that are model-plane size? Why must their spaceships be enormous, enough to fill the sky, as they cruise by scaring the daylights out of people? And why do they always seem to fly overhead in places that are in the boondocks? Aren't extraterrestrials at all curious about our big urban centers?

Since flying saucers are kind of shaped like cymbals, shouldn't the perfect place for one to hide from human observers be near a drum set? I see no reason why not, just as long as they can avoid getting hit with the drummer's stick!

At The Haberdashery

2012-01-01T01:02:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Regular readers of this blog know how much I love to play with words. One of the fascinating things about the English language is how we have so many words that have more than one meaning.

In this cartoon, I created a new meaning for the word "slacker". After all, a type of pants is slacks. Right? So why not call someone who sells pants a slacker?

Well, I thought it was a very clever idea in 2004. What surprised me was that I hadn't thought of it before.

This also brings into question how much of a slacker (regular definition) Quagmire can be if he's got his own retail establishment. I submit that, since there are no more cartoons depicting him as a business owner, his "Slacker" appellation is still appropriate.

Incidentally, the pose in which Quagmire is standing was inspired by a former co-worker of mine. This particular gentleman had a habit of leaning against a door jamb in this precise pose. He said he picked up the habit in his days as a Navy barber. Whenever he had reason to wait for the next customer, that's what he did in the entry to his shipboard barber shop. It looks like something a barber would do, doesn't it? So here's to you, A.A., wherever you may be! You're in a cartoon. Sort of.

How Can I Ever Face My Friends Looking Like This?

2011-12-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

I don't know about you, gentle reader, but I'm a bit of an old-fashioned guy when it comes to matters of personal appearance. Oh, sure, when I was in my younger days, I let my hair grow below my shoulders and had a scruffy beard. I looked rather hippyish with the bell-bottom pants and whatnot. But that was then and this is now. Today I still have the beard, but it's a lot less scruffy. My hair, on the other hand, is reasonably close-cropped.

In my day, the "hippy" look was a style, but it was more than a style for many of us. It was a way to distinguish ourselves from the establishment. It was our way to say, "I'm raging against the machine," if you will. Long hair and the refusal to wear conventional clothing was shocking, and with good reason. Despite the fact that most people who sported the hippy look were harmless and even upstanding citizens, there were enough troublemakers and outright criminals that looked like hippies that we all scared the bejeebers out of strangers with whom we happened to cross paths. And that was kind of the point. Long hair shook people up and made them think.

Some people in the 1960s and 1970s had tattoos and piercings, but that type of thing was not really widespread until later decades. I'm not sure if tattoos and piercings had as much to do with being antiestablishment as it was just another form of self-decoration. Men who had piercings generally limited them to one ear or the other. Whichever ear was pierced supposedly had some kind of significance but I didn't pay much attention to that because I didn't like how it looked. So I never got an earring. As for tattoos, that was usually something that people did in the military or in biker gangs, and it wasn't considered to be such a cool thing to do. So I never got a tattoo, either.

Since the 1980s or 1990s, both tattooing and piercing became a major social phenomenon. I still don't understand whether there is some sort of antiestablishment rebellion involved or whether it is simply a fashion statement among more and more people. All I know is that with a remarkable suddenness, young people everywhere seemed to have a lot of ink and shiny things dangling from all over themselves.

For those of us who come from eras characterized by relatively unadorned forms of self-expression, the piercing and tattooing phenomena are rather off-putting dispite their ubiquity. It comes across as self-mutilation more than self-expression. To put it bluntly, it makes a person less attractive and, in some cases, downright ugly. That may be just be my opinion, but I'm fairly certain that I'm not alone in that assessment.

And so, one day it occurred to me that for a heavily pierced and inked teenager, getting a pimple would be less traumatic than for someone of a previous era. After all, a zit on one's nose could easily be mistaken for a new red stud, right?

Well, anyway, I thought it would make for a good cartoon gag. What about you?

Is There A Link Between Procrastination And Underachieving?

2011-12-26T16:00:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

You might remember that about a month ago, I related how Mrs. Arrmac and I entered a new chapter in our lives in 2003 by moving to her hometown. If you didn't read it, or would like to read it again, click here.

That was not the only transition that took place that year. For me, a major career shift occurred. Up until then, when I wasn't drawing my cartoons, I also proofread Mrs. Arrmac's book manuscripts for her. At about the time we moved to Hollister, she told me that she would write more titles for her publisher on one condition: that I get on board as her co-author. I agreed somewhat tentatively because I had never undertaken such an endeavor. Mrs. Arrmac had confidence in me, nevertheless, and ran the idea by her editor. Mrs. Arrmac must have remarkable powers of persuasion because her editor agreed to send me contract copies to sign as the co-author of two books! Wow!

And so, during 2004, I began to focus more and more on writing while spending less and less time on cartooning. That was a fair tradeoff because I could earn some money by co-authoring books, whereas cartooning was paying nada, zilch, zero.

One of the first things Mrs. Arrmac and I did as co-authors was to visit several libraries to begin researching our first book, Career Opportunities in Engineering. We used the libraries to find other books on our topic to become familiar with our competition. We wanted to see what other writers had to say about engineering careers so we could decide how we could write more information about more careers—and in turn, provide readers with a more comprehensive resource.

So, as I was strolling along the stacks at one of the libraries, I happened to see a book title that, while having nothing to do with the subject at hand, jumped off the shelf at me. The book's title, of course, included the words, "Overcoming Underachieving". Yes, gentle readers, there really is a book with that title, which you can purchase or preview here.

In a split second, I had a new cartoon idea, which I scribbled into my notebook. Who better to see that title and decide to put off reading the book than our own underachieving pal, Quagmire the Slacker?

By the way, you might notice the Dewey Decimal numbers on the end of the shelf in the cartoon. That is the range of numbers where the actual book may be found in any library. You never know when a concerned parent of an underachieving child may stumble across this cartoon and decide to check the book out from their local library!

So...is there a link between proccrastination and underachieving? Don't ask me, I put that book back on the shelf and said, "that might make for interesting reading one day."

Not Simply Horsing Around

2011-12-21T00:42:00.001-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon, now featured at Arrmac's World.

My previous cartoon was about hay, so it's appropriate that this next cartoon should be about horses.

Horse racing is a very fascinating sport indeed. I'm not much of a gambling man, but I have attended horse races on a couple of occasions. I even bought a copy of the Racing Form while at the track each time, and tried to handicap some races. Unfortunately, I had no idea what I was doing, and lost my money. On the plus side, I only bet $2.00 on each race, so it didn't matter that I lost.

Apparently, there are people who keep track of all the arcane statistics about "the ponies". All of that information is provided for each race in the day's Racing Form. Each horse's age and lineage, the horse's performance in every race, the name and weight of the jockey that rode in each race, and a number of other interesting facts are given in a brief, digested format for every race of the day.

In addition to reading the latest statistics, racing fans can take a little walk to a corral and watch the day's horses parade around in a circle. Evidently, sizing up each horse gives the racing aficionado a better idea of which horse is primed to win the race. Making that call is part art and part science. The decision about where to place one's bet must be made rather quickly because between races, there is only a small amount of time to get to the betting windows to put down one's cash before watching the next race.

Racing experts presumably can go to a race, grab the day's copy of the Racing Form, determine which horse is most likely to win each race, and go home at the end of the day with more money than they had when they arrived at the track. It could be that there are people who make a decent living playing the horses.

I'm not sure if horse racing is losing its popularity. I know that one of two racing venues in the San Francisco Bay Area closed a few years ago. That doesn't mean that racing venues are closing everywhere, but it can't be a good thing for racing fans who love attending the races. The two Bay Area venues staggered their seasons, so before the one venue closed, racing fans could enjoy a lot more weeks of racing action than they currently do.

Perhaps if the races featured the kind of talent featured in this cartoon, business would pick up considerably! Hey, even I would go to the races more often!

Hay's For Horses! (Aren't You Glad You're A Cow?)

2011-12-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This is another cartoon that was inspired by my impressions of my new hometown: Hollister, California.

Many people may know Hollister as the Earthquake Capitol of the World. Hollister is indeed known for being close to the epicenters of many earthquakes that occur along a fault line known as the Calaveras Fault. The fault passes through the center of town, where common earthquake-caused sights can be found, such as displaced sidewalks, cracks in the streets, and empty lots where buildings once stood.

But, did you know that Hollister was once known as the "Hay Capitol of the World"? It's true. Hollister was such a major producer and distribution center for hay that to this day, the high school mascot is a guy with a pitchfork and the sports teams are called "The Hay Balers".

Today, Hollister is more known for many other reasons than as a major hay producer. Nevertheless, hay is still produced in the farm and ranch lands around Hollister, albeit in considerably smaller amounts. Nowadays, you're more likely to seen people hauling hay on trucks of all sizes because the railroad no longer carries trainloads of hay to locations far and wide. The trucks that carry hay are just as likely to be pickup trucks as they are large eighteen-wheeler tractor rigs.

And since I've always been a bit of a smart-aleck, I have the strongest urge to yell like Quagmire does in this cartoon whenever I see a big stack of hay. Fortunately, I do not succumb to that urge. No telling what hell-raising…er…HAY-raising could ensue!

Got A Code In Da Node?

2011-12-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon would only make sense if you are one of those many people who either read The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown, or saw the movie with the same title, which was based on the book.

For those of you gentle readers who neither read the book nor saw the movie, you will understand the cartoon once you have. Or, just think of the title, The Da Vinci Code, when you read the cartoon!

As you well might imagine, I went to great effort to prepare this cartoon. For one thing, doing so took a lot of research on my part. I wanted to make the cartoon as believable as possible. Therefore, everything about it had to be an accurate rendering. I wanted to dress the characters in costumes that were worn in the time of Leonardo Da Vinci. Not only that, but I wanted to show the chapel where Da Vinci's famous painting, The Last Supper, is located. And lastly, I wanted as accurate a rendering of the painting itself. Look closely at the paining. It is indeed a photo of the painting. When I drew the pencil and ink drawing, I actually drew the painting. For coloring the drawing, I thought it would be more interesting to insert the photo instead of coloring the simple line rendering. It works, don't you agree?

Thank goodness for the Internet! I was able to find a 360-degree panoramic photo of the chapel in which Da Vinci's painting is found. Moreover, I was able to find pictures of costumes worn by people in Da Vinci's time. The Internet is a godsend for cartoonists because it makes research such an easy task. In the years before home computers, cartoonists generally maintained a file cabinet full of pictures clipped from newspapers, magazines, and books. The cartoonist's collection of pictures was called the "morgue". Considerable time and effort was involved in finding just the right recourse material to make cartoon drawings accurate and believable. Nowadays, the Internet offers an infinite number of pictures that can be accessed with just a few clicks of the mouse!

Here's another interesting tidbit about this cartoon and, incidentally, the rest of the cartoons I drew from this point forward: I learned about the use of the "golden section" in art and applied it to the placement of all objects and characters in this cartoon. The golden section is a proportion used in composition to utilize the most pleasing placement of picture elements. Take a look at this page that briefly explains how this is done. The last graphic on the page shows a grid that is very similar to a grid I used to compose all my cartoons. This Da Vinci cartoon is the first of my cartoons to utilize my golden section grid.

As I present each cartoon from now on, see if you can see how I arranged the picture elements to fit into my grid. Compare these cartoons with my older work. Can you see the difference? I like to think that my cartoons took another compositional leap, second only to my new-found focus on the proper use of perspective!

An Evening Of Music

2011-12-11T01:22:00.001-08:00

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A little over a year ago, I posted a cartoon wherein Quagmire misbehaves at an opera and wrote a blog post about it. The cartoon was actually a commentary on a cultural phenomenon that is generally associated with rock concerts. In the blog post, I briefly wrote about my experiences going to rock shows as a younger person during the 1960s and 1970s.

Anyway, as I mentioned in that post, I attended too-many-to-count rock concerts. At many of them, I managed to sit or stand only a few yards from the stage. All of the concerts I went to were very loud. Some of them were very, VERY LOUD. Sometimes, as I went home from those shows, my hearing was a bit fuzzy. Fortunately, by the next day, everything sounded alright. I didn't go to concerts more frequently than once a week, so my ears got a good rest between excursions to such events.

For many people of that era who either went to hear rock music every day, or performed it, hearing loss at an early age was a major problem. Years after I stopped going to rock shows, some concerned members of the music community began to express concern about the high rate of hearing loss among their members. Performers and audience members alike began to wear hearing protection to concerts. (Ironically, nobody ever suggested turning the amplifiers down!)

In recent years, Mrs. Arrmac and I have had occasion to go dancing or enjoy amplified music concerts. The music is just as loud as it ever was. Maybe it's even louder. We went dancing one time about 10 years ago at a small club in a hotel. The band was exceptionally loud, and ever since, I've had a ringing in one of my ears. It comes and goes. So at least it's not a constant problem. Neverthless, it is very annoying. At least my hearing is still good. I test my hearing now and then by rubbing my fingers together near my ears. As long as I can hear that, I'm okay.

And so, perhaps Quagmire has a small business idea whose time has come. I'm not certain that there's a correlation between loud sounds and increased production of ear wax, but at least Quagmire is doing his bit to address a very real and serious modern malady.

One Day In The Henhouse

2011-12-07T01:53:00.001-08:00

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Not long after Mrs. Arrmac and I moved to Hollister, she introduced me to another couple who lives nearby. These two delightful people were high school classmates of Mrs. Arrmac. They now own and operate a ranch that is located a short drive from our home.

On their ranch, our friends raise chickens. The chickens live in rolling pens. The pens are open to the ground. Our friends periodically roll the pens from place to place throughout their property. This enables the chickens to eat whatever grows underneath the walnut trees in their orchard. Everything our friends produce on their ranch is organic. They sell their walnuts, chicken meat, and eggs at local farmer's markets.

One day, Mrs. Arrmac and I had the opportunity to watch our friends prepare their chickens for market. The process is not for the squeamish or faint of heart, so I'll spare you the details. However, we learned that day an interesting fact. When a hen is slaughtered, several eggs in various stages of development are found inside the carcass. That was interesting to learn, because I'd never really thought about it. I just figured that each egg developed by itself and when the hen laid it, the process started over.

Of course, this educational experience got my mind wandering in the secret thought process that only cartoonists understand. I imagined what went on inside the henhouse as the hens did their thing in the egg-laying department. What kind of gossip did they tell each other? How did they respond when one among them laid an egg? And was it possible for more than one of those eggs to come out at the same time? What about three? Wow. That must be very difficult and, quite possibly, excruciating!

Don't Worry. His Bark Is Worse Than His Bite

2011-12-03T23:02:00.001-08:00

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This cartoon has a true-life inspiration. No, gentle reader. I know what you're probably thinking. But it's not that. I have never done what Quagmire is doing in this cartoon.

The true story is that my family had a little dog when I was also little. The dog was part cocker spaniel and part something undetermined. He was a lovable little mutt, at least to us. To others in our neighborhood, he was a annoying pest. Because my parents acquired the dog as a puppy when I was only a year old, they never got around to training him. They had their hands full with me and my brother. So the dog was a little wild, to say the least. He did crazy things like chase cars, get in fights with other dogs, and occasionally bite small children.

When I was five years old, we moved to a house in a suburban tract neighborhood. You know that kind, where there were about five different styles of houses. But as I often do, I digress. The neighborhood was brand new, and was, at that time, located on the edge of town. For several years, before newer neighborhoods were built, we were just a few yards from open countryside. Our dog had free range over who-knows-how-many miles of open space. So he would disappear for hours on end and come home with his fur matted with mud and covered in burrs.

The funny thing about this little dog is that he always knew to come home before dark. Another thing was that he always seemed to be home when we had various public or maintenance employees come by, such as postal workers or washing machine repairman. The dog perceived such people to be enemies, and for good reason. One type of regular visitor was the meter readers who monitored our electrical, gas, and water usage. Our little dog was particularly hateful toward these poor souls, probably because a meter reader kicked him when he was still a puppy. Even though that was years earlier, and in a completely different location, he really hated meter readers! The dog would bark and bark as loudly as he could whenever they were near. And it seemed that whenever a meter reader came by, it was when the dog decided to take a day off from wandering the nearby cow pastures.

Eventually, somebody fed our little dog some poison and dumped him on a road in the next town over. It was a very sad day for our family, and quite possibly a day of celebration for others in our neighborhood. But I'll always remember him fondly because he was my little buddy who grew up with me for nine years. He never did me any harm. R.I.P., old friend.

A Little Help Please?

2011-11-30T00:31:00.001-08:00

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One of the most exciting aspects of living in our present age is how rapidly technology is advancing. I'm old enough to remember the days before color television and transistor radios. When those two advances hit the market, everyone was giddy with astonishment. Imagine watching televisions that only broadcast in black and white and then suddenly being able to see your favorite programs in color. Wow! Or, imagine only being able to listen to the radio inside the house and even waiting for the darn thing to warm up before you could hear it, and then suddenly having a battery-operated radio that not only turned on instantly, but could fit in your pocket. Wow, again! I could go on and on about the marvelous technological advances that have changed my life. But, there really isn't enough room to write about them all. Suffice it to say that the last fifty years of technological change have been more numerous and more rapid than those in all the previous years combined.

Of course, we are all familiar with the astounding developments in computer technology. It wasn't that long ago that the most powerful computers filled entire rooms yet had only a fraction of computing capacity that today's smart phones and tablets deliver. Hardly a day goes by when we read about the latest electronic consumer products entering the market.

Less publicized, yet mind-boggling nevertheless, is the field of nanotechnology. If you aren't fully familiar with this, it is probably because it's not as consumer-oriented a technology as electronics. Nevertheless, nanotechnology is the source of major breakthroughs in the fields of materials science and medicine, to name just two. You can read more about nanotechnology here.

Sadly, however, not all the changes that have transpired the last few decades bring such hope and promise to us. Take for example, economic hardship and homelessness. This is a serious problem that, unfortunately, has also rapidly increased in recent years. Unemployment, real estate foreclosures, currency collapses, and market crises serve to negatively impact larger segments of our population. People resort to panhandling when their network of family and friends can no longer contribute to their support.

In times like these when there is such a contrast between our technological progress and our social regression, there has to be a point at which the two phenomenon intersect. And it is in times such as these that we need to find something to make us laugh, to forget the cruelty that life can sometimes deliver

With that in mind, I present this little cartoon, which I drew in 2004 when nanotechnology was starting to catch the attention of the public eye. Since then, this new technology has not been such a "hot" news item. However, nanotech is still a new, growing industry that will one day, I'm sure, be very much on everyone's mind. It's probably not very likely that many people get laid off from nanotech firms, but when they do, be on the lookout for those among us who fall through the cracks. They may very well literally do that!

By the way, this cartoon is available for purchase at my Zazzle store. Have you been there lately? Come on by and do some holiday shopping! Here's a link to the products featuring the little panhandler. In addition to the usual products, you can buy postage stamps with this cartoon! Thanks in advance for your purchases. By buying items in my Zazzle store, you do your part to keep me from sitting out there with my own cup and sign.

Waiting For A Ride

2011-11-26T23:59:00.001-08:00

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This cartoon may not mean much to anyone who is not familiar with the use of the word "dip" as a shortened version of "dipshit" or, for those who like to use cleaner language, "dipstick".

This may be a regional usage because there are other slang uses for the word "dip". For example, it is used to describe a wad of chewing tobacco. Or it is used to describe swimming, as in taking a dip. However, neither of those terms would make sense in this cartoon situation.

"Dip" short for "dipshit" was a term I heard quite a bit growing up. I may have even been called a dip now and then. Who knows what people said about me behind my back? I didn't care. It was what people said to my face that mattered.

Anyway, maybe even the traffic sign in the cartoon might be a bit confusing to some gentle readers of Arrmac's World. The meaning of the sign may also be a regional thing. A dip in the road is a depression that crosses a thoroughfare. Look closely at the cartoon, and you can see the dip in the street just beyond where Quagmire is standing. A dip can be created either by natural causes or purposefully constructed into the street for enabling drainage. Sometimes dips are present in roadways to serve the same purpose as a speed bump—to slow down traffic. At any rate, dips in roads are quite common where I live, and the signs that indicate them are, too.

So, for those readers who found this cartoon puzzling, I hope things are clear now.

As for Quagmire, I hope that he thought about what Granola said to him and moved to another spot before his fellow carpool members saw him and had a laugh at his expense!

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

2011-11-23T00:53:00.001-08:00

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In the summer of 2003, Mrs. Arrmac and I relocated to her hometown, Hollister, a small city in a rural county of California. It was very familiar for her, but it was a new adventure for me because I had spent most of my life living and working in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was accustomed to the urban life but part of me welcomed the opportunity to live in a less hectic environment.

The move impacted my cartooning. As I became more familiar with my new surroundings, some of my cartoons were reflective of life around Hollister. As I said, Hollister is a small city but it's the only sizable city in the entire county of San Benito. There are other communities nearby but none of them have a population approaching that of Hollister.

The best part of living here is that it is so easy to get away from it all. Miles and miles of open country are just minutes away. Hollister is situated in a fairly large agricultural valley surrounded by mountain ranges. Farming and ranching are the big economic drivers of this area.

As Mrs. Arrmac and I explored our new territory, she pointed out interesting places and told me fascinating stories about her life growing up around these parts. I found it refreshing to see where and how people in rural areas live and work. It was an eye-opener for me to live in such an area because in my previous experience, agricultural areas had always been places to drive through on the way to somewhere else.

One of the things I noticed was barns. Barns are everywhere around this county. The ones around here have an interesting style of roof, so I decided to draw one.

I'd always seen pictures of barns with advertisements painted on them, but those are actually very rare, if not nonexistent around here. I wondered what kind of advertising would be appropriate for the barns in this area where vegetable farms and cattle ranches are in close proximity to one another.

The result is this cartoon, in which a rancher and a farmer discuss the "ins and outs" of selling advertising space on a barn. Not only was the local style of barns my inspirition, but so too was the never-ending beauty of the California rural landscape.

And thus, I began the year 2004 with a cartoon salute to my new home.

Don't Go Chasing Rainbows

2011-11-19T23:24:00.001-08:00

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Rainbows are one of those little delights that make life so amazing. Everyone knows that rainbows appear when rain is falling and the sun is shining. When you stand with the sun behind you and look into the rain, you'll see a rainbow. The best rainbows are those that arc all the way from the ground on one side to the other, making a half circle. Even more spectacular are double rainbows, such as shown in this photo from Wikipedia.

Of course, there's a scientific principle involved in the formation of rainbows. They are caused by the sun's light passing through the water droplets and and separating into the colors of the spectrum. And, I suppose some people find that explanation most satisfying to hear.

Others of us love to think of rainbows as being rather magical as well as a feast for the eyes. Most of us have heard the legend that at the end of every rainbow a pot of gold can be found, and if you can take it before a leprechaun prevents you from doing that, the gold is yours to keep.

The fact is, of course, that you can never reach the end of a rainbow because while the rainbow looks like it's a long ways away, it's just a trick of light. The rainbow always looks like it's the same distance away, even if you run as fast as you can in its direction. As you move, so does the rainbow.

Because rainbows are formed by the sun refracting and dispersing through water droplets, you can make your own rainbow on any sunny day by turning on a hose with a spray nozzle attached. When you spray the water in the air with the sun behind you, lo and behold there's a rainbow! Right in front of you! By doing this, you can get a closer look at the rainbow's end, and sure enough, there's no pot of gold. Darn the luck, huh?

Another way to create a rainbow, or at least a display of the spectrum colors, is to obtain a prism, a triangular piece of glass. When you hold the prism up to a light, you'll see a bright band of color. Again, by doing this you won't find a pot of gold—unless, of course, you just happen to be Quagmire the Slacker!

Incidentally, this cartoon is for sale at my Zazzle store! Why not purchase a fine product such as a mug, a t-shirt, an apron, a mousepad, or any number of other products featuring this fanciful cartoon? Maybe your favorite person on your holiday gift list would love it!

Let's Try A New Cuisine Tonight!

2011-11-16T00:18:00.001-08:00

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Regular readers of this blog will remember a post on the subject of talk radio that I wrote a few months ago. In the post, I mentioned that when drawing my cartoons, I liked to stay up into the wee hours of the morning listening to the Coast To Coast AM radio program.

The program often covered the topic of UFOs and extraterrestrial beings that many believe have visited the earth throughout history. This continues to be a hot topic on the show, as well as on numerous websites. Furthermore, countless books and magazine articles on the topic have been published over the past several decades. Many people swear up and down that they have encountered ETs and many of their encounters were with little gray beings that look a bit like big bugs.

Now, gentle reader, don't jump to conclusions about me. Just because I listened to that show (and still do, although less frequently), it doesn't mean that I'm one who has had such encounters with off-world visitors. However, it's kind of fun to think about what could happen if the "grays" actually revealed themselves to the general public and became part of our society. This cartoon is my idea of what might take place should that happen.

The Music Aficionados

2011-11-13T02:38:00.001-08:00

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I'm not sure how many readers will appreciate this cartoon, so I'll go ahead and explain it for the sake of those who don't understand it.

As you may know, kazoos are little toy musical instruments that are played by humming into them. Contained within each kazoo is a membrane that vibrates when one hums. It makes a funny buzzing sound. The best part of a kazoo is that anyone can play one as long as he or she can sing.

The object that Quagmire holds on the table is a tuning fork. When a group of people play musical instruments, they must all be in tune. That is to say, when each person in the group plays the same note, the tone cannot waver. Each instrument must be adjusted so there is no variance in tone

Kazoos are played by singing into them; therefore, they do not need to be tuned. Get it now? I sure hope so! *whew*

This cartoon is loosely based on an episode from my own life. Back in the late 1960s and early 1970s, I was a kid in college and hung out with a group of people who were destined to become lifelong friends. We called ourselves the Magic Theatre, and still do, by the way. We were so named by someone among us who was inspired by the novel by Herman Hesse, Steppenwolf. We weren't actually like the characters in the novel, but we were (and are) kind of a weird yet lovable little group, nevertheless. One of our antics in 1971 happened to involve kazoos. One night, we all decided to paint our faces with clown makeup, grab our kazoos, and head to the campus football stadium where the homecoming game was taking place. We arrived just a little bit before halftime and lurked in the shadows. When the university marching band hit the field to play the halftime show, the Magic Theater ran out from one of the end zones and marched behind the band while singing into our kazoos. The band leader got a bit perturbed, at which point, we ran off the field and back to someone's apartment, laughing hysterically all the way.

Well, we must have made quite an impression because the following year, another group of people decided to form a kazoo band and march in the homecoming parade. As official entrants! They were a bit more organized than we were, however. One of their members chose a random name from the New York City phone book and that became their name. The name escapes me, but it was the "something something memorial kazoo band and marching society". (It wasn't Leonard J. Peabody, though.) They made their own stencils to print on t-shirts, too! Well, that was rather clever, but we, the Magic Theatre, did it first!

One more thing of interest, gentle reader. Did you happen to recognize the poster on the wall? Perhaps clicking this link will refresh your memory!

Guaranteed Fresh!

2011-11-09T00:37:00.000-08:00

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When you live in a small town for any appreciable length of time, you may notice that there's frequently one person who owns several businesses. Sometimes in such municipalities, the pool of people who possess the acumen needed to run a successful business is quite small. Therefore, it's a matter of necessity for that one person to rise to the occasion and establish that business "footprint". Some places may have several such people who each operate multiple enterprises.

This may pose a dilemma for residents of small towns who find reason to be suspicious of the local entrepreneur. Is that person trying to monopolize the economy? Is that person guilty of price gouging? Is that person likely to strive for political power, influence, or title?

The discriminating business leader would at least have enough sense to not include his or her name on every business he or she owns. Where I live, for example, one married couple has their proverbial finger in several pies, including a bakery that makes wonderful pies, incidentally. They also own several other businesses, all within a two-block radius. To their credit, they do not use their names on their business logos. However, if anyone in this town cares to pay attention, it would be obvious who this couple is, and which businesses are under their stewardship.

Fortunately, our local pet shop is not located next to a restaurant owned by the same person. At least I'm fairly certain about that!

Who Cares About Lawn Care?

2011-11-06T01:33:00.000-07:00

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There are several ways for people who love the look of lawns to avoid having actual lawns in their front yards.

One way is to paint a dead lawn green. Now, this is a fairly new method of keeping up appearances. It has recently become especially popular in places where droughts are a recurring event. When there is a periodic lack of rainfall, some cities restrict the use of water to a certain number of gallons per day. In such cases, people may be able to use water for drinking, washing dishes and clothes, and taking brief showers—but watering lawns may be considered an extravagance. Nevertheless, having lush-looking lawns brightens up a neighborhood. So, in times of drought, people can buy green paint that is formulated specifically for painting their dried lawns.

Another way to have a lawn by not actually having a lawn is to cover the front yard with artificial turf. Commonly known as "astro turf", this synthetic lawn was first made widely known by its use in the Houston Astrodome, the famous indoor stadium—home of the Houston Astros baseball team. When the stadium was first built, it was found that growing real grass on the field was problematic. So, artificial grass was used instead. The product used was called by the brand name Astro Turf but thereafter, the name "astro turf" came to be the generic term for any type of artificial turf. It's now quite common for people to use this material in lieu of maintaining a real lawn.

Lastly, and perhaps most ridiculously, some people simply pave over their yards and paint the concrete green. Unlike the painted dead grass and artificial turf methods of avoiding lawn care, this painted concrete method fools nobody. At least painted dead grass and artificial turf can look like the real thing. There is no way a green concrete yard can be mistaken for a real lawn by anyone . Unless, of course, that mistaken person happens to be our confused pal, Quagmire the Slacker!

Is This What They Mean By A Business Cycle?

2011-11-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

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Of all the myriad subcultures found in these United States, perhaps one of the most interesting is that of the bicycle messengers. Although bike messengers are members of the courier occupation, they are a breed apart. They are quite different from other couriers.

Bicycle messengers are generally found in large cities, especially cities where business and civic neighborhoods are densely populated and characterized by congested thoroughfares. These messengers use their bicycles to negotiate their way through the crowded streets to deliver packages and documents more quickly than the couriers who drive motorized vehicles.

Bicycle messengers work hard and confront dangerous situations all day, every day. Perhaps the stressful environment they navigate each day is what makes these messengers so unique.

My experiences with bicycle messengers are limited to my observations of them plying their trade in downtown San Francisco several decades ago. So my aforementioned statement that these messengers comprise their own unique subculture may be biased.

That said, the bicycle messengers in San Francisco during the 1970s and 1980s were borderline crazy, if not full-on crazy. They were often wild and wooly characters who wore funny hats and yelled at the top of their lungs while careening through intersections—often against red lights. They bore no resemblance to the messengers portrayed in old black and white movies. In the movies, messengers wore crisp uniforms and winning smiles. The bike messengers I saw in San Francisco wore torn jeans, were generally unkempt in appearance and were sometimes belligerent to pedestrians, other cyclists, and motorists. Even their bicycles often looked about ready to collapse. And even though those bike messengers worked for a variety of messenger companies, they universally had that same scruffy quality about them. Consequently, the casual observer could not distinguish among employees of the various bicycle messenger companies. Hence, they were a subculture, or at least seemed to qualify as a subculture.

And so, we come to this cartoon. I decided to explore what would happen if an earnest corporate up-and-comer decided to take matters into his own hands and perform the work of a bike messenger himself, rather than contract the work out to one of the local messenger companies. Would he try to fit in with that rag-tag subculture, but not quite be able to pull it off?

Oh and the caption is my way of making a dig at the way some people like to turn nouns into verbs. Since when do you "messenger" a package? Don't get me started…!

Someone Always Smells A Rat

2011-10-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

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Regular readers of this blog may recall that during my brief foray into cartooning, I tried my best to create gags that would not be too topical so as to lose their appeal over time. For the most part, I succeeded. There were, however, some that I did that would not make much sense today unless I explained them.

This Quagmire panel is kind of on the fence regarding its relevance eight years after I drew it. The gag was inspired by an item in the news that engendered a lot of discussion for several weeks back in 2003. That news item was about the discovery of the fossilized remains of an enormous rat that inhabited what is now Venezuela. You can still read a contemporary article about the discovery here. In fact, you may recognize the picture of the giant rodent that accompanies the article, because I drew my own rendering of that picture in the cartoon!

At the time, the picture of and the stories about the rodent were very widespread. They were all over the news media. Everyone who was paying attention saw them. And the cartoon has Quagmire expressing a view of politicians that would be appropriate in any era. So that's why I said this cartoon is kind of on the fence. On the one hand, people will always relate to the idea of politicians being giant rats. On the other hand, many will not remember that particular scientific discovery from so many years ago.

So, this cartoon may or may not be readily understood by today's readers.

What about you, gentle reader? Do you find this to be as funny today as it was in 2003?

Ajax—The Place For The Not-So-Helpful Hardware Man

2011-10-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

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Here's another cartoon that was inspired by a real experience. Mrs. Arrmac and I had to purchase and use a stud finder in order to hang something on a wall. I can't remember exactly what it was we needed to hang, but we had a lot of fun using the little electronic device that magically found the wooden beams in the wall. Even after we finally finished hanging the picture or whatever, we played with the stud finder for several days.

And so, naturally, a cartoon involving a stud finder was in order. Fortunately, through the wonder that is the English language, the word "stud" has more than one meaning. Hence, coming up with a cartoon gag was really easy!

Let's hope that the guy in the cartoon got a good talking-to by the hardware store owner. There really is no call for anyone to be a cheesy pick-up artist anywhere, least of all in a hardware store. People like that (and there are plenty of women who use every occasion to be just as sleazy) really are clueless. Perhaps my cartoon will help drive the message home that certain attitudes and approaches to relationships are highly inappropriate. Sadly, it seems that the only people who would understand this message don't really need a lesson in manners. Oh, well…

Hoops, Man! Not Hoops!

2011-10-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

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This cartoon is titled "Hoops". Regular readers of this blog will remember another cartoon that I titled "Hoop", which I talked about in this post a few months ago. When I did this newer cartoon featuring Quagmire and a hoop, I had forgotten about the earlier one, and that I had titled it "Hoop". So, when I saved the scan of my drawing, and named the new file, "Hoops", it suddenly occurred to me that the title seemed very familiar. How strange the mind works, en?

Anyway, don't ask me how I came up with this new gag involving Quagmire with a hoop on a "hoops" court. I really don't know how it came to me. I know that there is a Native American game that involves shooting arrows at rolling hoops. Here's a description of that game. So, I must have read an article about it or seen something on TV about it. I don't know.

Well, I hope that Quagmire's friends at the playground decided to try what Quagmire had in mind, and had a great afternoon doing it!

On The Job In Hell

2011-10-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

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Here is my take on two uses of the word "detail" that I find quite amusing.

When I first heard the word "detailing" in reference to automobiles, I thought it meant adding decals or fancy hubcaps to a car. Or maybe it was a new way to mean the process of chopping or customizing old cars. Was I ever wrong! It means to finish the job of washing a car by vacuuming the inside and polishing the outside. When I was a kid, there was no distinction about "detailing". When your dad told you to wash the car, you did the whole thing inside and out. I don't remember when automated car-wash businesses came into being. I think I might have been in college. At least that's when I remember first taking a car through one of those places. But, I digress. Nowadays, car-wash businesses are very commonplace. And, I suppose the staff is quite specialized. So we now have "auto-detailing" services provided at the car wash.

Then there is a popular phrase, "the devil is in the details" that people use when they wish to hash out the finer points of a plan of action. That is, when someone comes up with a basic idea, implementing that idea requires planning all the "ins and outs" for accomplishing the plan. And that can be a very unpleasant, arduous, painstaking, hellish process. So we say, "the devil is in the details".

Okay. So...one day, I decided to try my hand at drawing another of those cartoon clichés, namely, the poor sap who finds himself in the midst of Hell, surrounded by flames. Naturally, I had to think of a totally new gag. This is what came out of my head.

Did you notice my nod to my twelve-year-old self? Check out the license plate. It says "7734", which when turned upside down, reads "hell". Just my way of adding a little…ahem…detail. Heh-heh.

If You Can Read This, Stamp Out Illiteracy!

2011-10-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Believe it or not, I once saw a poster on a bus that was worded very much like the poster in this cartoon.

I used to commute daily by way of public transit. Generally, I ignored the signs that lined the space directly above bus windows. One in particular did catch my eye, however. I had to look not once, not twice, but at least three times to make sure that what I saw was real. It was a plain, lettered sign unembellished by pictures or graphics. It was accompanied by a small pad of paper, each page of which was imprinted by a form to fill out and send somewhere. The sign actually said something like, "Can't read? Learn how!"

Granted, this was back in the 1990s, so my memory of the exact wording of the sign is a bit faded with time. However, the memory was still rather fresh when I drew this cartoon in 2003.

An even sharper memory was that not long after the devastating events of September 11 2001, someone said, "Irony is dead." I have absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean. Maybe it was because people were so shocked about what happened that fateful day that they simply could not find anything to make them laugh. Well, I'm the sort who habitually finds things to inspire laughter. If we can't appreciate life's little ironies, even in the face of tragedy, then we truly lose a bit of our humanity. Just my opinion.

I'm not sure if anyone would find this cartoon's reference to the "irony is dead" meme still relevant today. However, I still think Quagmire is correct to point out the irony of a poster that asks an illiterate person if he or she can read.

Busy As A Bee

2011-10-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

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I like to think of myself as a reasonably educated and well-informed individual. But, I had never really given much thought to how bees make honey. Of course, I knew that bees got something from flowers and took it back to their hives to begin making the honey. I always assumed that what bees collected from flowers was the pollen. After all, they do indeed transfer pollen from flower to flower, thereby insuring the survival of flowering plants. Imagine my surprise when I found out that bees make honey out of nectar. Oh! Well, no wonder honey is liquid and not powdery like pollen.

And so, imagine my continued surprise when I learned that bees regurgitate the nectar when they arrive back at the hive! So they actually eat the honey. Here all these years, I thought that since they carried pollen around in little pouches on their legs, I just figured that had something to do with the honey-making process.

So bees barf nectar and make honey from it! I didn't know whether to say, "wow" or "ew" when I finally learned that. My love of that sweet stuff won out rather quickly, so I settled on, "Wow!"

Well, of course that got me thinking. What do beekeepers say when they return home from a hard day's work? Do they call their spouses "honey"? Or what?

Dinner And A Movie?

2011-10-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

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Usually, I have Quagmire the Slacker do or say things that I would think about but never actually say or do. This cartoon is an exception.

Not long after I met Mrs. Arrmac, we were walking down the street to find a nice table at a nice restaurant to enjoy a pleasant romantic meal together. It was early evening in the spring, so the sun was still up. As we strolled along enjoying the moment, a small bird sitting in a nearby tree chirped merrily at us. Without missing a beat, I looked up at the bird and said, "No, I'm not cheap, just thrifty." The future Mrs. Arrmac laughed and said, "Good one!"

And so, several years later, the pleasant memory of that evening returned to me. It occurred to me that it would make for a funny cartoon. And that's the story of this cartoon!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like "Oh, NO!"

2011-10-05T00:03:00.001-07:00

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Snow globes are little knick-knacks that have been popular for who knows how long. Some people love them and collect them. Me? I'm rather ambivalent about them. I'm not sure if I've ever had a snow globe. If I did, I can't really remember it. Snow globes are kind of pointless, in my opinion. Oh, sure—it's sometimes fun to turn one over and watch all the little flakes drifting down on a little scene. Once is about enough, though. Not to take the joy of snow globes away from anyone, but there really isn't that much happening with snow globes to capture either my attention or imagination.

Having said that, I can't really tell you how it is I decided to draw a cartoon about a snow globe. I must have seen one somewhere and wondered what it would be like to be trapped inside it. I don't know—there's no telling what I was thinking or even if I was thinking at all!

Anyway, now that we are approaching the year 2012, which is the last year of the ancient Mayan calendar, this cartoon may be very appropriate. Some people think that the world is supposed to end because the calendar doesn't go any further than December 21, 2012. I don't think the Mayans had that in mind. For them, the "end" signified a new beginning.

Whatever your thoughts on 2012, gentle reader, certainly you've had moments when you felt something big was about to happen. With that in mind, perhaps you can relate to this cartoon. If you like it a lot, be sure to come on by the Arrmac's World Zazzle Store and buy the snow globe cartoon on any of a variety of products! You'll be glad you did!

Campus Politics

2011-10-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

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What is the deal with politicians kissing babies? More to the point, what is the deal with young women offering their babies to politicians to be kissed?

I have to ask these questions because frankly, I just don't get it. Politicians are among the lowest of the lowlifes that inhabit our planet. Don't get me wrong, I happen to support many of our politicians and vote accordingly. That doesn't mean that I necessarily have a high opinion of them. It's just that there are some politicians that I believe have my interests at heart. But none of them, even the ones I support, are the kind of people that I would count as close personal friends. Certainly, if I had kids, I would never want any politicians to come anywhere near them. That's just me.

I guess politicians are encouraged to kiss babies during their campaigns to prove that they are "good folks". Perhaps it's a test on the part of young mothers to verify that their favorite politicians are "okay" if they don't make their little ones scream out in terror upon contact with Mr. (or Mrs.) Candidate.

I include "Mrs." because, of course, more and more women run for, and gain election to, political office. Perhaps you may remember how, not long ago, a certain female politician went a step further with her interaction with a baby by…wait for it…signing her autograph on the baby's stomach! Oh. My. Gosh. If I didn't see photos and videos of that event, I would never have believed it. I certainly would never even consider the possibility of that ever happening. This is not the same as a rock star signing an autograph on a female fan's bosom! That's a matter between two adults (presumably). But for a politician to autograph someone's skin? Not only that but to sign an autograph on a baby's belly? Words escape me to describe how horribly inappropriate that was! However, considering who did it, I'm not at all surprised at what a stupid and crass thing it was.

Well, anyway, I felt it necessary to present my own take on the whole phenomenon of politicians kissing babies. And, who better to help me make my statement that our beloved Quagmire the Slacker? So, we find Quagmire back at college campaigning for a seat on the student council. I have to admire the guy because, even if he got confused about the basic idea of kissing babies, his confusion is acceptable. After all, he's kissing his girlfriend Granola, who is indeed a babe! I'd vote for him!

The "Plot" Thickens

2011-09-28T00:20:00.001-07:00

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We've all heard the expression, "You can't take it with you." Of course, it refers to the fact that no matter how wealthy you may become, when it's time to die, you have to leave it all behind.

Sometimes I wonder if some people among us truly understand this. What about multibillionaires, for example? Do they expect to be wealthy in that "sweet by and by"? Do they really expect to spend all the money before that? I'm not sure, but I think it's a mathematical impossibility for one person to spend that kind of fortune in one lifetime. So, if you really can't take it with you, then what, exactly, is the point of accumulating all that wealth?

Well, here's one guy who fully expects to take it with him by having at least some of it hauled to the grave with him. So that's why some cemetery plots have gigantic monuments instead of simple gravestones. I always wondered what that was all about…!

The Scofflaw

2011-09-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

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I've always liked street signs. They tell us what is lawful and unlawful in very short phrases. Some of them only use one word, such as "Stop". Others are simply pictures or symbols. We all see them and we all know exactly what they mean.

One thing I like about such signs is that so many of them are an open invitation to misinterpretation or mischief. Certainly, gentle reader, you have seen stop signs that have words added to them to make them say such things as, "Stop War" or "Stop Injustice" or "Stop Poverty". Those are all very clever and are just a few examples of how signs are defaced to change their meaning.

I happen to be the kind of guy who only thinks about defacing signs without actually doing it. For example, signs that say, "No Parking" could easily be changed to read, "No Barking". Another example: where I live there is a Union Road. I have a fantasy of changing the road signs to say, "Onion Road". Signs that say, "One Way" are just asking to have an addition to make them say, "One Way Or Another".

There's another way that I like to have fun with street signs and that's to imagine ways in which people can defy them. Wouldn't it be fun to loiter next to a sign that says, "No Loitering"? Or, how about getting some kids to move about at a snail's pace near a sign that says, "Slow Children At Play"?

So, it was in this spirit that I once again used Quagmire the Slacker to act out another of my flights of fancy. What better way to defy a sign directed at motorists than to do so as a pedestrian?

I Can Dig It!

2011-09-21T00:43:00.001-07:00

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Gardening is a pleasant pastime that can be enjoyed by everyone. Mrs. Arrmac and I both do some limited gardening tasks around the house. I say, "limited" because my mother-in-law, with whom we live, is the principal gardener in the household. And she has very exacting standards. So we keep our gardening activities to a minimum so as to not step on any toes!

One of the things I did about the time I drew this particular cartoon was use a very old rototiller to dig up the mother-in-law's soil. The tiller worked okay, but it had a flat tire, which made using it very difficult.

At the time, Mrs. Arrmac and I were living in another city but we were visiting her mom once a month. We lived in an apartment at the time, so our gardening consisted of a few ivy plants and ferns.

However, some people who live in apartments actually grow their own food. Of course, some of them have rooftop gardens, but there are people who have rather elaborate indoor vegetable-growing operations which they manage by using flower pots, potting soil, and full-spectrum lighting.

I find that idea rather intriguing. But, I have to wonder: do such apartment-dwelling farmers dress like suburban or rural gardeners? Do they find digging in the dirt with little trowels tedious? Would they rather use miniature rototillers if they were available?

With such flights of fancy, another cartoon was born!

At The Sporting Goods Store

2011-09-18T01:03:00.000-07:00

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Oh, good! More wordplay! Are you getting used to this yet, gentle reader? I hope so, because I did a lot of cartoons in which the caption played on words.

"Racket" is one of those words that must be very confusing to people who speak English as a second language. It has three meanings! That is, it has three meanings as a noun. "Racket" can also be uses as a verb in two senses, and as an adjective in a derivative sense. That's enough meanings, wouldn't you think? I wanted to find a way to use the word with all of those meanings, but settled on using only two. None of the three basic noun meanings make much sense, except for the one that means a loud noise. In that sense, "racket" sounds like a loud noise, doesn't it?

Coming up with the gag was the easy part of creating this cartoon. Drawing it was really hard. It may appear to be a simple drawing at first glance but there are a lot of little details. All of the tennis rackets on the wall and the shoes on the other wall seemed to take forever to draw. Also, the contents of the display case involved a lot of tedious effort. As I did all my cartoons, I drew it first in pencil, then inked it, and finally colored it in Photoshop. Converting all of the tennis racket strings to white was rather tricky, too! Oddly enough, the most complex part of the picture is the floor, and that was the easiest thing to do! All it involved was creating a repetitive pattern, pasting it into the required space, and adjusting it to fit the proper perspective.

So, if you haven't done so already, take a close look at all cartoons, whether they are single panels, comic strips, comic books, or animated cartoons. Take the time to check out all the little details that cartoonists use to complete each drawing. Without them, the pictures would not be very interesting at all! There is a lot to drawing these "simple" little pictures. But, for the cartoonist, it's fun because it's a labor of love!

Oh, and before I let you go, did you notice that my previous post was about a court? And this one is about tennis? Ha! Tennis court. Hmmm… I just noticed that today, eight years after creating the cartoons.

A Day In Court

2011-09-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

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Here's another cartoon wherein I used a bit of wordplay. I took liberties with both a word's meaning and its pronunciation. In this case, it's the word "redress", which is not pronounced "ree-dress". But what the heck—it sure looks like it would be pronounced that way. So why not take advantage of that little misperception?

I also took a new approach with the typical cartoon portrayal of "the guy wearing a barrel". Have you ever seen anyone actually do this? Nope, me neither. But, this is a fairly common cultural device, and more specifically, a frequent cartoon device. It usually denotes someone who has lost everything in a long night of gambling. At least that's the way it was explained to me, many years ago. I've also heard that wearing a barrel in public was once a form of punishment, but I don't know if that's fact of fiction.

There must have been a time when someone actually had to wear a barrel. And it must have happened quite frequently for the image to stick in our consciousness for so many years. For proof of how pervasive the image is, go to Google Image Search and search for "guy wearing a barrel". Or just click here.

In how many situations would you like to see a guy wearing a barrel? Or would you rather not?

Environmental Awareness

2011-09-10T23:37:00.000-07:00

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In contrast to the cartoon discussed in my previous post, this is not one of my favorites. The reason for that is the building in the picture is out of proportion to the characters. I remember drawing the building smaller and further away in the background, but the sign on the roof was too hard to read. Well, maybe people who see the cartoon wouldn't care. Plus, on the other hand, the way I drew the building may be appropriate in light of what the caption says!

As for the gag line, or caption: this is a pretty funny one, if you don't mind me saying so. Leave it to Quagmire to get the wrong message from his local environmental activist group!

I was using a toothpick one day, and I got to wondering: how many toothpicks can be made from one tree? My little box of toothpicks contained something like 250 toothpicks. No, I didn't count them. That's what it said on the box. So I'm assuming the toothpick company was truthful about that.

Then, I started to wonder how may boxes of toothpicks are displayed on the average day at my local supermarket? (It must have been almost time to buy a new box.) How many supermarkets are there? Do they obtain larger cases containing boxes of toothpicks? How many cases of toothpicks sit in the average distribution warehouse at any given time? How many distribution warehouses are there?

It occurred to me that there must be billions, trillions, or even quadrillions of toothpicks in the world! Therefore, we have to return to my original question: how many toothpicks can be made from a single tree? More to the point: how many trees are cut down every year to provide us with toothpicks?

This all led me to my next question: why are some well-intentioned activists so focused on how much paper we use? Not that there's anything wrong with their concern, but honestly—there has to be some room for concern about the other wood products we use every day!

So maybe Quagmire is right, after all. Save our trees! Boycott the toothpick companies! And visit your dentist twice a year!

Born To Be Wild...Or Mild?

2011-09-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

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Here is one of my favorite cartoons. I particularly like how the motorcycle turned out.

This is a good time to check out how much my drawing changed over the course of a few years. Take another look at my other motorcycle cartoon. Quite a difference, wouldn't you agree?

Both of my motorcycle cartoons were inspired by the annual Hollister, California biker rallies that took place for a few years until things fizzled out for them. That's another story, however.

Mrs. Arrmac and I, of course, live in Hollister. But, we are not motorcycle riders. So whenever the bikers gathered in Hollister, we observed the festivities from an outsider's point of view. How ironic to feel like outsiders in our own town—at an event that celebrated a whole category of "outsiders"!

Anyway, one of the more amusing facets of the annual biker rallies was how the majority of participants would not fit into the stereotypical image of bikers. Very few of them were members of outlaw biker gangs, for example. Which is a good thing because we wouldn't want an onslaught of drug dealing, gun running, violence, and general mayhem in our peaceful little city.

Rather, most of the biker rally participants were ordinary, hard-working individuals who just happened to look kind of like biker gangsters. The leather clothing, disheveled appearances, and rough exteriors belied the fact that some, if not most, of these men and women were mild-mannered attorneys, accountants, dentists, and school teachers during the week.

So, of course, I had to draw my interpretation of what a typical "weekend warrior" did the rest of the time.

By the way, gentle reader: this cartoon is for sale at my Zazzle store! Just click here to buy any of a variety of products that bear this wonderful graphic!

Science 101

2011-09-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

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We begin the year 2003 with a cartoon about Quagmire attending a science class. You have to hand it to the poor guy. He really tries to be a good college student! As usual, however, that lovable slacker just doesn't quite get it.

I don't know about you, gentle reader, but I really don't blame Quagmire for flaking out when the topic of the class discussion happens to be theoretical physics. String theory, of course, is not about string (surprise, surprise). Rather, the theory serves as an explanation for the way the universe is composed.

We all know about molecules and atoms, right? Well, string theory postulates that the basic components of matter such as electrons and quarks are actually minuscule strings rather than tiny little dots. That's putting it very simply, of course.

Furthermore, theoretical physicists hope that string theory will provide a way to bridge the gap between the theories of quantum mechanics and general relativity. That is because string theory would describe the all the four known forces of the universe at once. And those forces would be: electromagnetic, strong nuclear, weak nuclear, and gravitation.

Are you still confused, gentle reader? Don't feel bad. Try reading the Wikipedia article on the subject! This is very heady stuff indeed. It's no wonder that our pal Quagmire has a theory about string. Wouldn't you like to learn about that, instead? Yeah, me too!

Convenient Air Travel

2011-08-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

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Here's a cartoon in which I took some liberties with the English language. The word "carrion" is not pronounced the same as "carry on" but, as a visual gag, I think it works pretty well. What do you think?

This is a short post, because there really isn't much else to say about the cartoon other than it was the last one I drew in the year 2002. Stay tuned, gentle readers! The next post will be for a cartoon from 2003.

See you "next year"!

Less Than Model Behavior In A Model Home

2011-08-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

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In my previous post, I wrote about how I and Mrs. Arrmac visited a new neighborhood and looked at some model homes. It was a fun day for a lot of reasons, none the least of which was that I got two ideas for cartoons!

We didn't do anything quite as extreme as what Quagmire did in this cartoon, but we did say a lot of funny things to each other. That's something we do frequently. We're both funny folks, and we get a kick out of finding the absurd things in life and making each other laugh.

One thing we did do, however, was leave fake names in the guest book that was in the model-home office. Who knows why the people in the office needed our names and contact information? At any rate, we didn't feel that our names were any of their business. Therefore, we called ourselves "Midge and Lionel McGaffery" and provided a fake telephone number. What we would have given to be flies on the wall when the real estate people called and spoke to someone else! How much funnier it would have been if there really were a couple with those names at that particular number!

If that's the case, I hereby extend my heartfelt apologies to the real Midge and Lionel. We meant no harm, honest! And to the real estate people: just be glad I didn't strip and take a bath in one of your model homes! It was tempting.

Lost In The Urban Jungle

2011-08-24T00:27:00.000-07:00

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If you've never visited cities that have blocks and blocks of row houses or apartment complexes, certainly you have seen such places in photos, on television, or in the movies. It was just such a place that inspired this cartoon.

Actually, it was a place that was under construction. Mrs. Arrmac and I lived in my hometown for a while. It was (and is) a pleasant place to live but has been experiencing phenomenal growth in the last few decades. Next to this small city is another one that was once home to only a few hundred people. That former company town has now become a small city in its own right. It was there that a new neighborhood was under construction in the year 2002. Mrs. Arrmac and I took a little walk over there to see what was going on.

When we visited, there were mostly model homes available for viewing but we picked up a few brochures that explained what was in the works for the area. The new neighborhood was to have a kind of retro look to it that in some ways borrowed its architecture from that of the old company houses. Among the other architectural styles to be built in the town were "live-work" units. These buildings were to include shop or office facilities on the first floor with several floors of living spaces above them. The drawings of these buildings resembled the rows of apartment buildings one commonly sees in much larger cities. How peculiar it was to watch this neighborhood spring up from what had once been a factory in the midst of open fields and woodlands!

Well, looking at the prospects for this new neighborhood reminded me of my grandparent's home in San Francisco. They lived in a neighborhood full of row houses that all looked very similar. In fact, I would be hard pressed to find their home unless I had the exact address.

It's been decades since my grandparents lived there, of course, but I've often wondered what it must be like to live in a place where virtually every building looked like the next. When you came home from work, would you walk in the wrong front door, kiss the wrong wife, hug the wrong kids, pat the wrong dog on the head, sit on the wrong couch, start reading the wrong newspaper, and watch the wrong television?

What if living in such a neighborhood full of identical homes was much worse? What if you simply could not remember where, exactly, you lived?

Here, in this cartoon, is how to manage that situation!

One October Evening

2011-08-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

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The title I gave to this cartoon is "Halloween", because of the costumes Quagmire and Granola are wearing. True, people indeed go to costume parties mostly on Halloween but, of course, such parties happen any time. And then, some people wear costumes every day, whether they intend to or not! Nevertheless, I drew it in late October 2002, so "Halloween" was the best title!

One thing I'm happy about, however, is that the caption on this particular cartoon remains current. Our slang terms change so quickly. When I drew the cartoon, I was afraid that the term "thinks outside the box" had just about run its course. Fortunately, people are still saying it; hence, the cartoon still works. Yay!

And what a weird phrase it is. Who knows how it started? More to the point, what does it even mean to "think outside the box"? It's a mystery to me, that's for sure. Does it mean that one's ideas are fresh, like they just came out of a parcel delivery box? Why don't we say "think outside the package", in that case?

Maybe "thinking outside the box" means not thinking like everyone else who has a desk job and sits in a cubicle all day. So why don't we say "thinking outside the cubicle", in that case?

Could it be that "he thinks outside the box" means "he used to live in a refrigerator carton but finally got a place to stay"? So why don't we say…oh, gee I don't know…"he thinks like the rest of us"?

Gentle reader, I'm at a loss. If you know how this phrase came to be and what it's really supposed to mean, I'd like to know. I think I already think outside the box, as it were, but then again, i'm just being my usual self. I guess it's not such a bad phrase. When push comes to shove, I'd rather be described as "the guy who thinks outside the box" than "a stark raving lunatic"!

The Way It Really Happened?

2011-08-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

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In my last post, I showed a cartoon featuring Quagmire the Slacker in a visit to the dentist's office. Remember? If you didn't see that one, click here and then come back. I'll wait.

That cartoon was inspired by an actual visit to my dentist. That visit must have made a major impact (heh-heh) on me because my very next cartoon also had a dental theme. In fact, it used the exact same terminology.

"How can that be?" I can hear you asking that all the way over here. Well, as you recall (how could you not, since you just clicked the link a minute ago), Quagmire expressed some confusion over the meaning of the word "calculus".

Well, gentle reader, you may or may not know that another word for the substance called calculus is "tartar". Why this substance has two words would be anybody's guess, but I don't care because it gave me an opportunity to draw another cartoon!

Of course, if you were to grab a dictionary, another definition for tartar refers to the combined Mongol and Turk armies that conquered a substantial portion of Asia and Europe in the 13th century.

Now, it is indeed true that the word, in the context of Genghis Khan and his pals, is also spelled "Tatar". But why would I use that spelling to make my point about tartar/calculus? Hmm…?

See how the mind of a cartoonist works? Or doesn't work quite as it should, depending on your point of view.

Confusion At The Dental Office

2011-08-14T00:17:00.001-07:00

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Are you good at math, gentle reader? Well, I'm not. I did alright with mathematics classes up until my junior year in high school. That was when I hit the wall in second year algebra. Geometry was fun because we got to draw! But algebra's quadratic equations were a total mystery to me. I would do my homework with great confidence only to find out that I'd done most of the problems incorrectly. I think the next step after algebra was supposed to be trigonometry and maybe even calculus. The algebra teacher introduced us to some of the rudimentary principles of those two disciplines, but it whistled in one ear and out the other. To this day, I wouldn't be able to tell you what either trigonometry or calculus are all about. So my hat's off to anyone who can tell you what they are and how they apply to…what? What do they apply to, exactly? Don't ask me!

Fortunately, I did well in other classes, most notably in English, which makes sense because I ended up being a writer. I also did fairly well in music as a youngster, as well as in other subjects that would be classified as "liberal arts".

Science and math, on the other hand, were never my strong points, much to the consternation of my dad, who was a pharmaceutical chemist. His enthusiasm for science is definitely not an inherited trait! Hey, at least I can spell "pharmaceutical", can't I?

So it always gives me great amusement when a dentist tells me that my teeth have a substantial coating of calculus and proceeds to chip away at it with a sharp little instrument. Wouldn't a pencil and piece of paper be more appropriate?

Of course, I would never say what Quagmire says in this cartoon to my dentist or dental technician. I have my pride. But I did send a print of this cartoon to my dentist. I have no idea what his reaction was because I never heard another word about it. Oh, well… I think it's a good one!

Once In The "Bye And Bye"

2011-08-10T00:59:00.001-07:00

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By now, gentle readers, you may have figured out that I'm a fairly "mature" gentleman. In fact, chronologically, I am in the latter part of middle age and moving inexorably toward being elderly.

I say all this just to give you some perspective. My grandparents were all born before the year 1900. So, when I was growing up, the 1800s didn't seem all that remote. Furthermore, as a youngster, I heard a lot of colloquial terms common to the vernacular of a simpler, more rural America.

For example, "fiddlesticks" and "pshaw" and "whippersnapper" were all common words that were heard frequently by people my age when we were growing up.

There were some interesting phrases uttered by our elders, as well, such as "I do declare!" and "Land o' Goshen!" and "That just suits me to a T."

And one of my favorites was, as shown in this cartoon, "saints preserve us!" The phrase was uttered when something really unusual or upsetting occurred and it meant that the saints would intervene in a gesture of protection. I suppose it was safer to say, "saints preserve us" because invoking the the name of God was too inappropriate or somewhat taboo.

Perhaps today people would say, "saints protect us" to convey a more accurate meaning to the phrase.

At any rate, "saints preserve us" never made sense to me because after all, doesn't "preserve" also mean to keep food fresh, as in the process of creating jams and jellies? And aren't jams and jellies also called "preserves"?

Why would any saints want to make us into jelly? Isn't it their job to come marching in?

A Moment With The Science Department Chairman

2011-08-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

In this cartoon, Quagmire returns to good ol' State U. and finds himself in a rather rigorous course schedule.

When I drew this cartoon in 2002, stem-cell research was relatively new to most of us. Scientists, no doubt, had long been aware of stem cells and what they do. For the average person, however, it was a new and controversial topic of discussion.

I didn't much care one way or another about the controversy. True, the promise of new cures for diseases was intriguing. No, what interested me was the term "stem cell". Of course, being in possession of a fevered (and some would say, feeble) imagination, my first thought was, "Stems? Aren't they like twigs?"

Well, sometimes it's not advisable for me to express such ideas out loud. That's where Quagmire comes in. He's my surrogate for expressing goofiness.

While we're looking at the cartoon, you might notice the blur effect that I used for the background. That's right, gentle reader, your eyes do not deceive you, nor do you suddenly need glasses. I did that on purpose. You may notice that I also used the same effect in the cartoon about Quagmire in the library. I thought it looked pretty cool at the time because the blurred background makes everything in the foreground pop out—almost in a 3D fashion. I was trying to mimic what our eyes see when we're focused on something close up until it dawned on me that when we're focusing on things close to us, distant objects aren't as blurry as they are double. Now creating that in a cartoon would be quite a chore! Well, anyway, I eventually ditched the blurry background effect. It was a fun experimental diversion while it lasted.

Moving Right Along...Sort Of.

2011-08-03T00:47:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a cartoon that was inspired by a real highway on which I and Mrs. Arrmac frequently travel.

We live in a small rural city. It's not far from a large metropolitan area, yet it is isolated by virtue of being in the middle of an agricultural area. The nearest cities of any size comparable to or larger than our city are at least twenty miles away. Even the nearest major highway is several miles away.

It was on that major highway that I made an observation that inspired the cartoon. In 2002, a stretch of the highway was undergoing a reconstruction from two lanes in each direction to four. The reason for the project was because traffic along this particular section was heavy enough to require expansion. The traffic jams occurred during commute hours for the most part, but were occasionally a problem at any time of the day.

The construction process seemed to take forever. The traffic jams along the construction zone got worse as construction proceeded. It was clear to me that there was no guarantee that four lanes would not be as congested as two.

As it turned out, the newly completed project indeed alleviated the frequent bottlenecks but the cartoon is still a good one, don't you think?

That Guy Earl Is Alright!

2011-07-31T00:14:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Faithful readers of this blog will remember a previous post about a golf-themed cartoon. In that post, I related how I wasn't a golfer and how golf doesn't interest me.

That said (again), I must add that golf inspires a lot of humor. For example, how many cartoons have you seen that depict a golfer wielding a bent-up club or putter? Lots of them, right?

So I would have been crazy to not tackle another gag about golf. The question was, however: how do I come up with a completely original cartoon about this subject?

Well, one way, I figured, was to use a pun because puns are one of my specialties! And who better to be confused about the language of golf then Quagmire the Slacker? And, I thought it would be even more unique to throw in a second pun for good measure—that being the name of the tea.

For an extra bit of fun, an observation of the frequently outlandish clothing golfers wear was needed. Is there anywhere else where an orange shirt, purple trousers, and white shoes are appropriate attire? I can't think of any such place!

Kindly Stub Out Your Smoke!

2011-07-27T00:14:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Most everyone these days realizes that smoking is simply not good for you. In the United States, smoking has declined considerably. According to this article, only 20.6% of adults currently smoke. The fact that 75.1% of workplaces have no-smoking policies certainly contributes to the discouragement of smoking in general. Many, if not most, municipalities and states have some degree of control over where people can light up. Some smoking regulations are so restrictive that about the only place people can feel free to smoke is inside their homes.

There are good reasons for the decline in smoking. The most important reason is that smoking causes cancer and heart disease, as well as other respiratory illnesses. But, that's not all. Second-hand smoke is also harmful to people who do not smoke because it, too, causes diseases. Furthermore, tobacco simply makes us non-smokers feel sick. It's not pleasant to get that feeling when you're in a room full of smoke. It's especially unpleasant whey you're trying to enjoy a delicious meal. Ick!

So, anyway, there are a lot of "No Smoking" signs everywhere you look these days.

I was pondering how so many public signs use the circle and line symbol to designate "do not". That led me to think of the perennial plea that parents say when they tell their children "no": What is it about "no" that you do not understand? Is it the "n" or the "o"?

And so, a cartoon idea was born! Hope you like it, and that you are able to breathe a lot easier, too!

The Garage Band Audition

2011-07-24T00:29:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a cartoon with which I got to incorporate two of my favorite things: word play and music. Both provide endless entertainment for me.

And so we look at the word "bass", which not only has two meanings but also is pronounced two different ways. Now, when people use these words in spoken English, there is no mistaking what is meant: when pronounced with a "long a", we refer to the deep tonal range. When pronounced with a "short a", we refer to the fish.

On the other hand, when we read the word "bass", we have to understand what is meant by way of the context of the phrase, sentence, or paragraph in which the word is contained.

It seems, though, that Quagmire never learned to derive the meaning of words by way of context.

Or…maybe Quagmire is deliberately playing with people's heads. After all, a band called "Bucket of Adenoids" and who uses "Loudly" brand amps deserves a visit from a prankster.

What do you think?

At The Doctor's Office Too?

2011-07-20T00:44:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Are you like me, gentle readers, and have mixed feelings about tip jars? You know what I mean. You walk into a take-out joint to order something to eat. You pay for your food and go home (or wherever) to consume your meal. And as you pay the cashier, you notice a tip jar sitting by the cash register. "A tip for what?" you may ask.

It's not like eating at a restaurant where you sit at a table and a server takes your order, brings your food, stops by while you're eating to make sure "everything is alright", and then brings you your bill. And, you calculate a gratuity, or tip, to pay the server an amount above and beyond the total indicated on the bill. This I understand because servers make truly lousy wages. So tips can make a real difference in a server's life. I have no idea why we put up with this state of affairs, but we do. Apparently, the United States is one of only a few, if not the only, country where restaurant servers endure such hand-to-mouth conditions (pardon the expression). Evidently, in other countries, servers receive decent wages. Therefore, to leave a tip for a restaurant server is perceived as patronizing at best, and an insult at worst.

Anyway, when you pay a restaurant server a tip in the United States, it's a way to say, "good job".

So why are we confronted with tip jars at eating establishments where there are no servers? I'll be honest with you—sometimes I put some money in tip jars, but more often than not, I don't. For what services are we being asked to pay a tip?

And even more galling is the fact that some retail establishments that do not serve food have tip jars next to the cash register. Really! What is that all about?

So I had to make a little cartoon commentary about the phenomenon by extending the tip-jar concept to it's highest level of absurdity. It wouldn't surprise me to see a tip jar in a doctor's office one of these days.

Oh, and if you notice something familiar about this cartoon, there just might be a reason for it. That's right, gentle readers, I have a tip jar on this site, and at Arrmac's World. In fact, it's the same tip jar that's in this cartoon. Heck, if you can't lick 'em, join 'em!

Seriously, though. There's a reason why I have a tip jar and carry advertisements on my sites. If you click the ads and buy something, I receive a percentage of the sale. And if you click the tip jar, you can make a small donation of whatever sum you feel is appropriate.

After all, you do realize that drawing cartoons and writing blog posts is work, don't you? Not trying to make anyone uncomfortable or "guilty" here, but really. A few coins coming my way as a result of my efforts would be very cool indeed.

And, if clicking ads or donating to "tip jars" is not your thing, okay. I'm fine with that. So, how about visiting my Zazzle store and check out (and purchase) any of the fine products available that are imprinted with some of my cartoons? Or why not scroll down at Arrmac's World and click the books that I have co-authored to find out how to buy copies of them? Why not, indeed.

Horticulture And Gardening Is In Section 635...

2011-07-17T00:19:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

I like libraries. It must be in my blood because two of my family members have been librarians. Visiting a library is always a special treat. Even if I end up not borrowing a book or two, I love to roam the stacks and sample a few pages of the books on the shelves. It's also fun to grab a book or magazine and find a seat to read more thoroughly.

As writers, Mrs. Arrmac and I find libraries to be indispensable resources for doing some of our research. We visit several libraries within a 50-mile radius of our home. These visits are always a pleasurable and rewarding experience.

What would happen if we had no libraries? Well, we might very well find out, if the movement to privatize them manages to succeed. I have no idea how companies plan to make profits from running what are now free public libraries. But, I can well imagine that it won't be such a pleasure to visit them any more. Privatized libraries may arbitrarily decide to not stock certain materials that they deem "inappropriate" or "offensive", thereby restricting free access to information. What incentive would library patrons have to continue to visit such unwelcoming places, particularly if they have to pay to feel unwelcome?

Currently, we're getting an idea of how inconvenient paying for library services can be. The public library system in an adjacent county now charges a substantial fee to cardholders who live outside their county. This is due to budget problems but it seems very unfair, even cruel. Certainly the "powers that be" in that county can find a way to fund the branches within their library system. In my opinion, someone's priorities are very askew!

Nevertheless, most libraries still avail their services to the reading public at no cost. What a deal! As it stands now, all you need is a library card (FREE!) to unlock the treasure chest of knowledge. With that little card, you can read whatever you want, whenever you want. If the material you desire is not available at the local branch, the librarian can assist you by arranging for an interlibrary loan. You can even use the computers in the library to unlock even more treasures. This is a wonderful thing for people who have low incomes, do not have easy access to bookstores and newsstands, or do not own computers.

I hope, gentle reader, that you support your local library. If not, why not? There's a whole world of wonders awaiting you! Even Quagmire knows the value of a library, however confused he may be about it!

Life's A Beach...

2011-07-13T14:48:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a cartoon that was inspired by something I noticed while pursuing one of my favorite pastimes: people-watching.

Mrs. Arrmac and I spent three delightful weeks in the beautiful state of Hawaii in the late spring of 2002. We had a wonderful time and it was difficult to board the plane back to the mainland. While we were sitting in the boarding area at the airport, I was watching the other people milling about. I noticed a few people checking in their luggage. Among them were several passengers who were struggling with heavy golf bags.

My thought was, "Really? Golfing? You came all the way over here to GOLF?"

Now many of you may ask, "Well, what is wrong with that?" Okay, I'll tell you. First of all, one can play a game of golf anywhere because most communities are in close proximity to golf courses. Whether they're municipal courses or "country" clubs, golf can be played within a short drive from anywhere in the United States. Wherever you play golf, you could be anywhere because golf courses are pretty much the same wherever you go. Lots of green grass, a few trees, some areas of sand and water. How are the golf courses in Hawaii any different?

But that's not all. There are so many things to see and do in Hawaii that you cannot possibly do in most other places. For example: just the scenery alone in Hawaii is unique. Soaring mountains, magnificent beaches, lush tropical landscapes, and vast expanses of lava are all things that cannot be found on the
mainland—certainly not by driving around for a just a few hours. Then there are such activities as surfing, snorkeling, hiking in volcano craters, riding rubber rafts along old irrigation ditches, whale watching, attending luaus, eating locally grown tropical fruits, and looking at ancient petroglyphs carved into lava. Those are all activities that one simply cannot do in most of the United States. Where else can you drive past acres and acres of sugar cane or pineapples? Where else can you climb into an outrigger canoe and ride the waves back to shore? Where else can you visit beaches with green sand or black sand? Where else can you receive a lovely garland of flowers and a welcoming smile from a pretty young woman the minute you step off of an airplane?

It seems to me that the last thing anyone would want to do during a vacation in Hawaii is play golf!

So I had to draw my impression of a clueless old doofus who lacks an appreciation for just how unique and amazing Hawaii is. How could anyone miss the beauty of the scenery and wonderment of watching dolphins leap in the warm, sparkling waters just a few feet from the beach? It's beyond me! But…as they say, to each his own…

Defying Gravity

2011-07-10T00:31:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Have you ridden a Segway? I once did for a brief period and over a very short distance at the Tech Museum in San Jose, California. I went back and forth, around in circles, forward and backward. It was a lot of fun, but just as I was getting the hang of it, my time was up. Outside of that brief experience, I've never seen another one of these snazzy little scooters except in pictures. They're still rather rare despite being the "next big thing" when they were introduced in 2001.

The official name, according to this Wikipedia article, is the Segway PT, although everyone refers to them simply as Segways. There was a great deal of secrecy surrounding their introduction. In the weeks leading up to their unveiling, they were touted as being a revolutionary device. And when the Segways were finally revealed to the public, they seemed to be quite revolutionary indeed. Nobody had ever seen anything quite like the Segways. And they were lauded as "go anywhere" vehicles that could easily climb over curbs onto sidewalks, stop on a dime, and turn within a very tight radius.

So I had to make a cartoon regarding that "go anywhere" claim.

Despite the hype surrounding these innovative transportation devices, Segways never became pervasive, or even popular. I don't really understand why because they are relatively inexpensive and quite versatile. Perhaps it's because they're too fast for sidewalk travel but not fast enough for the streets.

Nevertheless, I'd still like to have one. Perhaps I will one day. And if I can figure out how to ride it on the ceiling, I'll post a video!

It's Just A Rough Estimate

2011-07-05T23:40:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

In April, 2002, as Mrs. Arrmac and I were working out our annual state and federal tax returns, it occurred to me that the word "taxes" is almost the same as "Texas". Why had I not noticed that before?

Of course, part of paying federal taxes includes voluntarily submitting quarterly payments of estimated taxes.

What, I mused, would the phrase "estimated Texas" mean? My thoughts led to the idea that it would mean a map with mangled place names. And so, a new cartoon was born.

Now if anyone in Texas sees that cartoon, rest assured that I mean no harm. It's all in good fun, okay? Yeah, I know that you like to say, "Don't mess with Texas." But this isn't messing with Texas, right? Right?

Nurturing At The Nursery

2011-07-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Have you ever wondered why the places where plants are sold are called nurseries? Yeah, me too. Nurseries are also places for kids, such as nursery school. I guess we call plant stores nurseries because the plants and trees for sale at such places are mostly baby plants.

When I was a little kid, my brother and I enjoyed going to nurseries with our parents. It wasn't because we were precociously interested in botany. No, it was because we could run around like little terrors amongst the plants. We would hide from the parents and pretend they didn't know where we were (they did). Even though they were absorbed in the task of finding new plants to augment their garden, they had eyes in the back of their heads. We ran around until we were tired and ready to go home.

Maybe our parents liked taking us to the nursery so we could get our ya-yas out and be quiet the rest of the day. So perhaps this kind of nursery was for kids, too, after all!

On the other hand, methinks our slacker friend Quagmire has it all wrong. I wonder how long he kept this particular job?

One Day At The Psychiatrist's Office

2011-06-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Regular readers of this blog (all half a dozen or so of you) will remember that during my brief journey through the world of cartooning, I made an effort to create at least one cartoon that utilized each of a number of gag clichés. There are quite a few of those clichés, such as the guy stranded on a deserted island, the guru on the mountaintop, the guy crawling across an expanse of sand, etc. Well, here's one more such cliché: a psychiatrist talking to a patient on a couch. Cartoonists have drawn hundreds of these over the years, and I figured one more wouldn't hurt! So I drew this one.

Despite it being a well-worked scenario, this one I drew seemed to be a one-of-a-kind gag. After all, I had never seen a psychiatrist cartoon involving a centaur. That is until a few weeks ago when The New Yorker magazine used a very similar drawing for their weekly cartoon caption contest. I was amazed to see a drawing so similar to the one I drew back in 2002! So you know what I did, right? You guessed it: I entered the contest by using the caption from my own cartoon. How could I possibly lose with my own original cartoon idea? Well, I waited anxiously for the contest results to be published. You can see the winning caption and two runners-up captions here.

As you can see, my caption never made it to the final three. However, there is no way of knowing whether the editors at The New Yorker liked my caption or not. Was I in fourth place, even? Or last place? Somewhere in between? I guess we'll never know.

Oh, well. I still like my caption more than those of the winner and runners-up. Moreover, I like my drawing more. What do you think, gentle reader?

Picnic Entertainment

2011-06-26T17:01:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Everyone loves music, agreed? Thankfully, there are many different types and styles of music. Otherwise, my first sentence of this post would not be so true.

I'm an open-minded guy and I've listened to a little bit of almost every kind of music there is. Furthermore, there is at least a little something about every kind of music that is appealing. However, I am just like anyone else in that there are some kinds of music that are not my cup of tea. Rap music simply happens to be one of them.

Now don't get me wrong. There have been some rap tunes that struck me as being quite entertaining. My favorite rap artist was the recently departed Gil Scott-Heron. He was, no doubt, the very first rap singer. His mixture of thoughtfully written poetry with a fusion of jazz, blues, and rock instrumentals was truly a new phenomenon back in the 1970s. Somebody once likened rap music as being the CNN of the inner city. In my mind, that was definitely true about Scott-Heron, although his most memorable songs were written long before CNN existed. Scott-Heron wrote songs about then-contemporary events of social and political import like no other rap singer since.

Rap and the hip-hop culture started to become a major force on the entertainment landscape in the 1980s. Since then, very little of it has piqued my interest nearly as much as Scott-Heron's work. Gil Scott-Heron made me think. Most rappers that followed make me wonder: what, if anything, are they thinking?

Now, granted, much of my dislike of rap could very well be a generational thing. To my aging ears, rap music is very unimaginative, simple-minded, and discordant. The rhythms all seem similar, if not identical, and the lyrics, when they're not nonsensical, are rather offensive, to be frank about it. In particular, I don't appreciate the references to gang life and violent attitudes about women. I love women—especially one woman in particular. It really makes me angry to hear rappers degrade women the way they do. I'll leave it at that.

And don't get me started on the way rappers sample music that someone else already wrote. That's just not right. Either write your own music, or forget it.

Having said that, when I really like music, I love to whistle along with it. I'm not much of a singer, but whistling is one of my favorite things to do. So I ask you, gentle reader, can you blame me for not liking rap music? Aside from everything else, I can't whistle to it! But oddly enough, my pal Quagmire the Slacker can!

Break Time!

2011-06-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

I don't remember exactly how I came up with the gag for this cartoon. Maybe I wondered why there are no adult-sized swing sets, teeter-totters, slides, and jungle gyms.

It might have been because "casual Fridays" were very popular in the corporate world at the time I drew the cartoon.

Maybe it was also because high-tech industries were becoming famous for the playground atmosphere in their corporate headquarters. Silicon Valley campuses were characterized by alternative work environments complete with such amenities as beanbag chairs, pinball machines, video game consoles, gourmet snack bars, fully equipped gyms, and other decidedly non-traditional accouterments. In some cases, such work environments were to be found outside of Silicon Valley, as well. It was a new phenomenon that seemed quite foreign to me.

I spent many years working for a quasi-public agency, a rather conventional nonprofit insurance corporation staffed by civil service employees. As you might imagine, there were no such amenities to be found in that particular work environment. Oh, there was a fairly decent cafeteria, but there were certainly no recreational distractions to be found anywhere in the agency's headquarters nor in its statewide district offices, judging from the conversations I had with colleagues around the state. People spent their break times either in the cafeteria, in outdoor landscaped areas, in local eateries or bars, or simply at their desks. Employees' attire was usually casual, except for the middle management and executive personnel. So casual Friday wasn't really much of an issue. The more daring cubicle dwellers had radios, which they played at very low volume so as to not be audible in nearby cubicles.

Anyway, I guess my imagination ran amok while contemplating the intriguingly exotic work settings in companies that were less conventional and staid. I wondered what it would be like to work in s place that had basketball courts on "campus" and where employees slept under their desks when they weren't writing software codes. Even though at the time I drew this cartoon, I had been working at home for several years and there was no way I'd return to the corporate world, the new workplace scene seemed very compelling.

How would a conservative company deal with the new corporate culture? What would such a company provide their staff to make it stand apart from the rest? This cartoon was my answer to those questions.

Quagmire Does Some Manual Labor

2011-06-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a cartoon in which I do a little word play using a commonly used phrase: "push the envelope".

Have you ever wondered where this phrase originates? Well, if you know its origin, then you can skip the next sentence. But if you don't, check out this explanation from a site called The Phrase Finder.

Like many colloquial words and phrases, this phrase is more frequently used to mean something different than how its original meaning was used.

And I, gentle reader, thought it would be appropriate to extend it's use into something even more different.

You could say that I "pushed the envelope" by doing that.

The UFOlogist At Work

2011-06-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Have you ever tossed a frisbee around? Of course, you have. Have you ever played frisbee with a dog? Well, maybe not so many people have done that. But if you have, you know that it's a lot of fun!

Dogs are amazing frisbee players. They can leap up into the air and catch those flying discs in their mouths! Have YOU ever tried to catch one in YOUR mouth? It's darn near impossible! How do dogs do it? Well, for one thing, they really have no choice in the matter, seeing as how they don't have hands.

Dogs love to play "catch the frisbee" and most of them like to play "bring the frisbee back". It's like the game of "fetch" in that regard. Getting a dog to let go of the frisbee can be another matter entirely, however. For some reason, they really like to clamp down hard on the frisbee and create a new game: "tug-of-war".

And dogs seem to never tire of this game, or combination of games. They are eager to run back and forth, catch the frisbee, bring it back, and struggle to keep it. Long after their human playmates get bored, or tired, or both, dogs are just getting started.

So, this is about the extent of what any of us know about dogs and frisbees. Certainly, though, there must be other things that go on in their little heads.

I tried to think like a dog one day. What would I (were I a dog) tell the other dogs about this exciting pastime? The answer lies in this cartoon!

We're Tenting Tonight On The Old Camp-ground

2011-06-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon was inspired by my own life experience. No, gentle readers, I did not sleep outdoors with my head in a tiny little tent. (Although, come to think of it, that would be fun…)

The life event was quite a bit more mundane. Mrs. Arrmac and I were wandering around a famous large retail store. I don't remember what we bought that day, but we happened to look at camping supplies. I saw the little model tents and wondered if they were for sale. Certainly, the store bought them from somewhere, so why shouldn't I or anyone else be able to buy one, as well?

Maybe the store would just give one to me if I asked politely. Hmmm… Well, I walked away from the camping department, probably because Mrs. Arrmac had already gone somewhere else while I stood there daydreaming with a goofy look on my face. Once I found the missus, we finished our shopping and went home.

I really don't remember what we purchased that day, but I went home with a great idea for a cartoon! And who better to star in this particular two-panel gag than Quagmire the Slacker?

The Warden Lays Down The Law

2011-06-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Ah…retirement. The perfect time to get to all those projects and trips you always dreamed about—maybe it's the perfect time to start a new career. Right? Well, that all depends on how well you planned for your "golden years".

Unfortunately, for too many among us who have reached that stage of life, it just doesn't work that way. The sad fact is that people who were not inclined to find adventures to enjoy during their working years are not likely to have enjoyable, fulfilling retirements.

In my former life in the 9-to-5 world, I watched as folks retired and either soon expired or returned to work part-time only a few months later. Then there were the few folks who would retire with grand aspirations of "living the good life" only to drop by the office once a week to say "hi" to the old gang!

And what about the harried wives who wrote to newspaper advice columnists about their retired hubbies who had nothing better to do than park themselves on the couch and/or get under foot all day?

With that in mind, I had to come to the conclusion that a lot of people are prisoners of their own lack of imagination. Maybe working at mind-numbing, soul-crushing jobs for so many decades just squeezes out all their vitality. Maybe they never had much vitality, even in their youth. I don't know. The fact is, for many people, they might as well be under house arrest.

And so, gentle reader, whether you are already retired, just starting your career, or are somewhere in between, please promise that, in retirement, you won't end up spending your days moping around the house or that you won't return to your former workplace to visit or work again. Enjoy and relish every day. Find new and exciting things to do, even if it's something simple like walking barefoot at the beach. Be happy!

Trying For A Promotion

2011-06-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

With the success I enjoyed with "Gandalf", I knew I was on to something with my new-found usage of perspective.

So, with my next cartoon, I upped the ante a bit by using two vanishing points! Wow. See if you can locate both vanishing points. Hint: they're beyond the boundaries of the cartoon panel.

I had a lot of fun drawing this cartoon—even though, by adding another dimension to the perspective technique, it got rather complicated. I had to make certain that the edges of the desks, the floor tiles, the window frames, the ceiling lines, and the buildings in the background all adhered to the vanishing points.

My only problem with the cartoon is which character is speaking? I think it's the guy sitting at the desk, but the two standing figures seem to have their mouths open also. Usually in gag-panel cartoons, the person speaking is the only one with an open mouth. Oops! There's one little detail I overlooked.

Well, at least I accepted my own challenge and drew a picture with two vanishing points. I think this may be the only one I drew like this. And as you'll see as we progress through my ensuing cartoons, I gradually stopped shading with the crosshatching technique and returned to using color for that purpose. As much as I like the crosshatching, it's a lot of work—almost as much work as concentrating on getting stuff to line up with two vanishing points!

Another Ordinary Day In Middle Earth

2011-05-31T23:59:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon was inspired by the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. Can you tell?

In a way, it was also inspired by the books upon which the movies were based. However, I read the books over forty years ago, so I can't remember if Gandalf sold fireworks in the first book of the trilogy or if it was simply something included in the first movie to make it exciting.

Anyway, I really worked hard on this cartoon. I paid very close attention to the correct use of perspective and lots of little details in the composition, line work, and lighting. How many of those details can you spot?

Incidentally, I won an award for this panel. An online cartoonists' discussion group held a weekly informal cartoon contest. I had previously won second and third place in several of the contests, but this was the first time I won first prize! That really made my day!

It's Magic!

2011-05-29T00:05:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Well, gentle readers, here it is at last. the one you've been waiting for: my first cartoon in which I used correct perspective techniques!

As I've mentioned in who-knows-how-many previous posts, I have no idea why I never bothered with coordinating various picture elements to align with vanishing points. What took me so long? Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, you might notice that, in this cartoon, the bottom edge of the wall behind Quagmire, his table, and Granola's chair are all correctly aligned to a vanishing point. (The wallpaper pattern isn't correct in that regard, but I paid closer attention to that sort of thing in subsequent cartoons. We'll talk about that in another post.)

"Where is that vanishing point? I don't see it," you may remark. Well, we don't see vanishing points when we look around us in real life, do we? But the vanishing points are there nevertheless. So, of course, I erased the vanishing point in this cartoon, as well as the horizon line on which it sat, when I inked and colored my finished pencil drawing. You can use a straight edge to locate the vanishing point by drawing lines along the bottom of the wall, the edge of the table, and the chair legs where they meet the floor. You'll find that the lines converge somewhere in the next room. Then, you can draw a horizontal line through that point. That line is the horizon line.

It's magic, no? And how appropriate it is that the subject of the cartoon is magic, as is the title of the cartoon!

Be sure to look closely at the rest of my cartoons in future posts. You'll see that perspective became a major focus for each cartoon that required it!

The Bird Is The Word...

2011-05-25T00:35:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Just about all of us have seen pictures or videos of baby birds being fed by their parents. Show of hands: who among us has been able to witness this miracle of life first-hand?

If you happen to be one of those who has never seen real, live baby birds in a nest, it's a real treat! Keep your eyes and ears open while walking in the park or hanging out in your back yard. Birds often make nests with great care to be hidden from view. And baby birds duck down below the top of the nest and remain very quiet until feeding time. When Mama or Papa bird comes home with supper, the babies pop up and start making the tiniest peeps. Listen carefully. It's very sweet.

However sweet such a scenario seems to us as humans, you have to wonder what's really going on. After all, bird experts say that the lovely chirping and happy twittering sounds that birds make are actually warnings and alarms. Furthermore, their twitching and fluttering that we find so endearing are actually a manifestation of their alert awareness and a defensive mechanism in response to the continuously dangerous threat from predators. While we are amused and enchanted by their twittery sounds and jittery behavior, in their little minds they're being rough and tough—always prepared to do battle to defend their turf.

With that in mind, imagine that rough edge in birds as an innate trait. They're born with attitude! Some baby birds position themselves to be fed more frequently than others. Some get shoved out of the nest by their aggressive siblings. So, you can bet that among all that high-pitched squeaking we hear from birds' nests, one of those little guys is being a smart aleck!

Maybe This Will Help Get Things Moving

2011-05-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Well, here we are in the year 2002 of my cartooning journey. That was a pivotal year for my drawing style. As 2001 came to a close, I arrived at the realization that much was lacking in my drawing. And so, it was at the beginning of the year that I decided to put out a bit more effort and pay a lot more attention to detail.

Now, you may say, "But I've been reading your blog since the beginning, and it seems that your drawing improved steadily over the previous years." Well, thank you for saying that (if in fact, you actually did). And true enough, my drawing did indeed improve. But there was so much room for even more improvement because, after all, I am my own worst critic.

Anyway, I decided to use the crosshatching technique of shading, something I had not done in previous Arrmac's World cartoons. In fact, I really didn't pay much attention to shading at all. With that in mind, witness the statue in this current cartoon. It's full of crosshatching. The shading lends a lot more depth to the rendering of the statue. I think it looks pretty darn decent, don't you?

Speaking of depth, what about the view through the door in the museum to the next room? I rather like how I did that, too, if you don't mind me saying so.

One thing that bothered me, however, was the totally botched perspective on the platform on which the statue was placed. This was the cartoon that truly hit home with me regarding the use of perspective. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I knew my perspective was off, but really didn't think it mattered that much. However, this cartoon was the last straw. That platform is so bad, and in my eyes totally wrecks an otherwise awesome drawing.

And so, in all my work after this cartoon, I not only paid more attention to such details as lighting, shading, composition, and a bolder use of lines, but I made certain that my rendering of perspective was always accurate.

You'll see what I mean in a while. My next post is about a cartoon that didn't need perspective. The one after that was my "perspective breakthrough". Stay tuned!

Raise Your Glass...Er...MUG On High!

2011-05-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon was the last one I drew in 2001. In fact, I finished it on December 31 of that year. What better way to end the year than with a gag about drinking? Yeah, I know…!!

All in all, 2001 was a good year for me as a cartoonist. That was the year that I found my groove, so to speak. I had a production schedule and was regularly submitting cartoons to the rapidly diminishing magazine gag cartoon market. That year, I made a couple of sales, and learned a lot about writing and drawing, thanks to feedback from fellow cartoonists I met at discussion groups on the Web.

There was lots of room for improvement. You may remember how in a few of my earlier posts, I talked about my knowledge about the use of perspective in drawing but how I somehow managed to avoid making use of that technique. Well, have no fear. In the early part of 2002, I had a breakthrough in that area and it really made my drawings snap to attention, as it were.

Stay tuned, gentle readers! You'll soon see what I mean about paying attention to perspective. Until then, don't ask for anything but beer in a brewpub, okay? And don't drink and drive!

Do NOT Say That!

2011-05-14T23:44:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

The old expression "you've got to laugh to keep from crying" comes to mind with this cartoon. In the last months of 2001, that expression was most appropriate.

I'm not sure how relevant this cartoon would be today, ten and a half years later. I'm not even certain if anyone reading it today would even get the gag.

Not long after the horrendous events of September 11, the threat of further terror was a constant concern. One of the events that shook people up involved envelopes containing a mysterious white powder that were sent through the mail. The white powder happened to be anthrax, a potent poison. The incident created quite a stir, to say the least.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, I'm normally disinclined to create overtly politically themed cartoons. But this one was too good to pass up. Quagmire unwittingly and obliviously scared the bejeezus out of a postal carrier by seemingly yelling "Anthrax!" Had this actually happened, our slacker friend would certainly be arrested and held for questioning!

What do you think, gentle reader? Does the cartoon still have the impact it did back in 2001? Or is it already too obscure?

Duck! No, Seriously, Man. DUCK!

2011-05-11T00:18:00.001-07:00

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Have you ever wondered what's the deal with hunters' duck decoys? Yeah, me too. I mean, are ducks that gullible that they would actually think it's okay to land in the water next to a floating hunk of wood? Can't they at least sense that it's not really another duck, even from above while they're flying by?

In animated cartoons, ducks are usually portrayed as kind of mischievous trouble-makers who are also a bit more savvy than the average cartoon character. There's got to be a reason why they're portrayed that way, right?

When I was a kid, another kid in the neighborhood had a pet duck for a while. She was rather tame, but she didn't take any guff from anyone, either. Outside of that brief experience, I haven't been intimately acquainted with any ducks. So I really can't attest to their intelligence—or lack of same. I've eaten plenty of ducks, however (*drool*), and I can tell you that they are quite tasty.

So maybe ducks aren't so bright after all. Maybe that's why duck hunters keep using decoys to lure birds close enough to shoot them.

I guess some hunters sit in boats, I don't know for sure. I know that they do frequently sit in crude structures called "blinds" wherein they hide from view and wait for ducks to get close.

So one day I got to thinking: why not create a combination duck decoy and blind? Wouldn't that make sense? Maybe not, because if you do a good enough job of creating the decoy, you might attract undue attention from an amorous bird!

Looking back at this cartoon, perhaps it would have been a good idea for me to add a couple of rifles. Oh, well. The gag still works, right?

It...Shall We Say...Appears We Have A Communications Problem

2011-05-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

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Quagmire the Slacker is back at work for this cartoon. Well, he's sort of at work, that is. At least he reported for duty on time at his new job. But as usual, he really didn't listen to his boss. Or did he?

For those of my gentle readers who speak English as a second language, the words "peer" and "pier" are pronounced the same way. Therefore, it's no wonder that Quagmire took the word of his boss so literally.

However, can you blame Quagmire? After all, as they say: a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work. I just wonder how many piers Quagmire will get acquainted with before he heads back to work. Will he still have a job when he does return? Maybe he will; maybe he won't. Well, never fear because if there's one ability that Quagmire the Slacker has, it's finding work. Keep reading this blog. You'll see!

How To Get On An Even Keel

2011-05-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon is dedicated to all those self-help books that were so popular not long ago.

Did you ever read any of those books? Nope, me neither. They sounded like real snoozers to me. But I can imagine that they were written with sincere intentions.

Of the three titles in this cartoon, "Don't Get Mad Get Even" is an actual book. I'm not sure whether it's truly a self-help book, but it certainly seemed appropriate for the little character that's perusing it. A quick search for the other book titles reveals several with the title, "Breaking Even", but none for "Level The Playing Field." Oh, well, two out of three ain't bad.

And for those of you gentle readers who may be a bit young or unfamiliar with tools to recognize who (what) is reading those books. It's called a level (surprise, surprise). No doubt there is an app that does the job of a level. But at one time, no toolkit was complete without an actual level. When building anything, it is very important for horizontal and vertical surfaces to be…well…absolutely horizontal or vertical. The level is the perfect tool for the job! You place the level against the surface in question, and when the little bubble inside the appropriate tube in the tool is precisely in the middle, you have a perfectly horizontal or vertical surface!

Well, I'll level with ya (heh-heh): this is one of my personal favorites among my cartoons. I hope that it's also one of your favorites. And if it is, why not head on over to my Zazzle store and buy one of the dozens of products that feature this cartoon? Just follow this link to find it. You'll be glad you did—and so will I!

Unscramble To Make Even More Scrambled!

2011-05-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

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I wonder if anyone who reads this cartoon scratches his or her head in confusion.

When I drew the cartoon, I didn't mean for it to confuse anyone. My motive was to create another Thanksgiving cartoon. You know me, gentle reader. I'm always playing with words and anagrams are one of my favorite ways to play with them. In my mind, this gag seemed very clever. As I recall, however, not many positive comments came my way when I first published this cartoon on Arrmac's World.

For anyone who continues to be confused, here's what it's about: Quagmire looks at a chalkboard and rearranges the words, while changing the picture. I know that if you don't notice that there are two panels, it may appear that there are two chalkboards, around the corner from each other. Retrospectively, I could have made the two versions of the chalkboard face in the same direction. But I guess what I was doing was making it look like you, the reader, was walking past and then looked back to see what Quagmire had done. A hint to the passage of time is revealed when one looks at the two clocks above the chalkboard.

Oh, well. You gotta admit, though, that after a heavy Thanksgiving meal, you just might feel like a heavy guppy. And you might wish you were wearing a pair of loose-fitting khaki pants.

Get it now?

So, anyway, gentle reader. I do apologize for creating such a lame cartoon. Furthermore, I hope that you won't think too many other of my gags were as bizarre as this one. Keep coming back to Arrmac's Blog, won't you?

One Fine Day In The Woods

2011-04-26T23:59:00.001-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

This cartoon was intended as a Thanksgiving gag but it's appropriate any time of the year. I'm not a hunter, but I know that here in California, wild turkeys are "in season" in both the fall and spring. In that regard, this cartoon would be appropriate at least twice per year.

On the other hand, drinking Wild Turkey Bourbon is "in season" all year round! Bottoms up! But be careful where you "shop" for your next bottle. More to the point: be careful where you leave unopened bottles. You never know "who" will use them for nefarious purposes!

And gentle readers, this blog post is not an endorsement of any alcohol or firearms products. So be responsible. Thanks.

Go Ahead, Caller. You're On The Air.

2011-04-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Who hasn't listened to talk radio from time to time? After all, this form of entertainment has been around for decades. As a matter of fact, according to this Wikipedia article, radio stations have featured some type of programming centered around the spoken word since the earliest days of commercial broadcasting.

Indeed, radio programming for sports, news, religion, politics, and other purposes has always been as popular as programming dedicated to music, drama, variety, and other formats. However, for the purposes of this particular cartoon, I refer to one particular programming niche: political talk radio.

Political talk radio is nothing new. I remember when one of my favorite rock-and-roll stations converted to an all-talk format in the mid-1960s. At first, it was fascinating to hear people call the various show hosts to share their opinions on a variety of topics. Not every show involved discussions about politics. Every topic was represented, just as is true in our present age. One thing that was most noticeable, however, was the high level of emotion that characterized those talk shows involving politics. Call-in listeners, show hosts, and guests alike would often become very vehement and vitriolic with their opinions. Oftentimes nobody could get a word in edgewise because everyone was talking simultaneously. Mind you, gentle reader, this was still in the 1960s, in case it sounds familiar to you.

Well, I didn't listen to this malarkey for very long. By the end of the 1960s, I had left home to attend college, and forgot all about the talk radio programs I left behind. I didn't give it much thought until years later, when a supervisor of my unit at work listened to talk radio all day long. Fortunately, his radio was near his desk and I didn't spend a lot of time in his office, so it didn't bother me. I eventually replaced the supervisor, and that was the end of the talk radio at work.

The talk radio phenomenon re-entered my consciousness in the late 1990s when I entered a new career phase—part of which was cartooning, of course. Mrs. Arrmac bought a book for me to read about cartooning careers. The author suggested one way to stay inspired while attending to the mundane task of drawing was to listen to talk radio. Okay, I thought. I can do that. So I bought a used radio at a yard sale for $5.00 and set it up near my drawing board. And so, to while away the late night hours dedicated to creating cartoons, I began to roam the dial looking for talk shows.

There was one late-night format for talk radio that I found very interesting. It was a famous show dedicated to arcane topics such as alternative history, the paranormal, theoretical physics, ufology, spirituality, etc., etc. The host of the program, as well as his successors, continue to present these topics every night. From time to time, I still like to tune in to this fascinating program. It's a pleasant back-and-forth style of discussion that is never confrontational, and never less than informative and entertaining.

On the other hand, the political talk shows I found were just as bad, or even worse than, the ones that repelled me back in the 1960s. Things had never changed! Hosts, guests, and callers continued to lack civility and decorum. The show hosts were different, of course, but I wondered how many of those callers were the same that I had heard decades earlier.

Anyway, I am certainly not one to enjoy the kind of discourse in which everyone is talking at once because ultimately, nobody truly gets heard. So I had to again wonder: are talk-show hosts trained to be rude, obnoxious, and annoying? Hmmm… I'll bet Quagmire can tell us!

A Romantic Tale Often Told

2011-04-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

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Show of hands, gentle readers: who has not heard of the old cliché satirized by this cartoon?

Anybody? Well, for those who haven't heard of the cliché but were ashamed to raise their hands, it goes something like this: Hollywood movies of the genre known as "romantic comedy" generally follow a tried-and-true script formula. And that formula is: "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl."

Think about it. Certainly you've seen several movies that follow that script formula. And despite different characters, locations, and plot twists, romantic comedies invariably adhere to the formula. I've watched dozens of romantic comedies, and not one of them failed to follow the formula.

Well, you know me. I'm the inveterate punster. Something in my genetics, I suppose, forces me to play with words. So, here's my take on that classic movie script formula, applied to what would seem to be an ordinary day at sea.

Oh, by the way: if you happen to like this cartoon (of course you do!), you can buy a copy at my Zazzle store. Wear it proudly on a shirt! Send a hopeful, romantic, imprinted greeting card to the "one who got away". Hoist a few cold ones with this cartoon printed on a mug! How about a new mouse pad imprinted with the cartoon? Check it out. You may select from these and dozens of other products by dropping by the store today! Just click here, or click this link: http://www.zazzle.com/arrmacsworld/gull

Delivery's Free If It's Not On Time!

2011-04-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a Quagmire panel that uses another favorite cartoon cliché: the guru at the top of the mountain who greets a seeker.

I have seen tons of cartoons that use this particular scenario. Usually, the guru has something clever and unexpected to say to the seeker. For example, he might say something like: "Philadelphia Eagles in double overtime by three points," or: "The secret to eternal bliss can't be found up here, pal."

So I got to thinking about what if the "seeker" in a guru gag wasn't really a seeker at all. What if it was the guru who wanted something and the guy climbing the mountain has what he wants?

This cartoon is the result of that mental exercise. A few years later, I drew another Quagmire panel involving a guru on a mountaintop. You'll just have to wait until we reach that point on my "one man's brief journey through the world of cartooning."

One For The Record Book

2011-04-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

The inspiration for this cartoon was an incident from my childhood.

I forget how old I was but I think I was around eleven or twelve years old. I was walking around the neighborhood one day and ran into a friend of mine who had an urgent need to tell me about something he had seen a few days before. He happened to look up to see a dead bird hanging upside-down from a telephone wire. Neither of us was aware that a bird could just die while perched on a wire and not let go. It was a disturbing thought yet compelling enough to arouse that bit of morbid curiosity in me. And so, when pressed to show me where this hanging bird could be found, my friend walked with me to where he had seen it. Alas, it was gone. To this day, I have yet to see a dead bird hanging upside-down from a telephone wire or tree branch.

It's odd how such memory snippets from long ago stay permanently etched into my consciousness. Who knows how many truly important things were shoved aside—forever forgotten—to ensure that this particular memory survived?

As memories often do, this one popped to the surface one day when I had nothing better to think about. I wondered that: besides our pet parakeet, who liked to hang upside-down from people's hat brims and look 'em in the eye, how many other birds hang upside-down deliberately? Did the dead bird my friend saw happen to be an acrobat that died while indulging his avocation? What happens if a bird simply sits in one spot so long that it's just easier to hang upside down than maintain its balance? What would compel a bird to sit in one spot so long like that? Why, getting into the record books, of course!

I like this drawing because it was my first attempt to draw a scene from—•ahem*—a bird's-eye view. Pretty cool, if you don't mind me saying so!

A Cup O' Joe At Joe's

2011-04-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

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Well, here I went again. Playing with words. There are certain phrases that just kind of grab my attention and make me scratch my head in puzzlement.

"Bottomless cup of coffee" is one of those phrases. We all know what it means: all-you-can-drink coffee. Nevertheless, if you give it some thought, this saying just makes no sense whatsoever. It seems to me that if you want that good ol' java to keep coming, the last thing you would want is a cup with no bottom! Am I right, or am I right? "Endless stream of coffee" would make more sense, it seems to me. Well, maybe not. "Endless stream" doesn't roll off the tongue quite like "bottomless cup" does.

Anyway, Quagmire's confusion about this particular turn of phrase is perfectly understandable. At least he didn't turn a full cup over to check out the bottom—or lack thereof!

I'll say this: the best restaurants for breakfast are the ones that keep the coffee flowing. There is nothing more frustrating than reaching the end of a cup of coffee when there's still half a stack of pancakes swimming in syrup waiting to be washed down with some more of that delicious brew. And the absolutely best restaurants are those that leave a pot of coffee on the table for your convenience! Oboy, now that's living! They don't even have to advertise their "bottomless cup" policy. I'll be a frequent customer!

A Different TYPE Of Computer?

2011-04-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Once again, with this cartoon, we explore how much the world has changed in our lifetime. Well, at least in the lifetimes of some of us "older" folks.

It's sometimes hard to believe that just a few decades ago, desktop computers had yet to exist. It wasn't until the early 1980s when the desktop computer became widely used as standard office equipment. Before that, office buildings were very loud places. That is because for most office workers, their standard desktop equipment were typewriters. Not only that, most desks were situated in large rooms without the noise-reducing cubicles that are ubiquitous today. Consequently, if you happened to work in one of those company departments known as "typing pools" where everyone in the room was typing all day long, your ears were continuously assaulted by a tremendous clatter. Here's a picture of a typical typing pool.

When I began my career in the early 1970s, one of my first jobs was in an office building in a file room. ("What was a file room?" younger readers may ask. Well, that's another story. But here's what one looked like.) That file room was right next to one of those office typing-pool rooms. At that time, electric typewriters were the norm. These machines were a big improvement over the old manual typewriters. For one thing, they could be operated with a lighter touch—that is, the keys could be depressed with a lot less pressure. The electric typewriters were also quieter but they were not that much quieter than manual machines. A typing pool full of dozens of people clickety-clacking away simultaneously was quite noisy, even with electric typewriters. Nevertheless, that was considered normal. Therefore, when office workers were given desktop computers and cubicles in which to sit, the noise level was reduced considerably—and quite noticeably.

Today's younger folks can only imagine what it must have been like to work in the "old-fashioned" office environment. On the other hand, they just might be fascinated by an old typewriter and marvel at what a truly remarkable machine a typewriter is!

Quagmire The Volunteer

2011-04-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

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I have to hand it to people who volunteer their time in hospitals. It's always difficult for me to visit friends and relatives when they are ill, even though I make certain to pay such visits frequently when someone I know is convalescing. When someone you love is in pain, it hurts to watch them experience it. However, our visits to our loved ones are something they truly need. Such visits are comforting and help speed up the recovery and healing process.

I imagine that when a volunteer works in a hospital, they must develop a thick skin about witnessing suffering. Not all hospital volunteers interact with patients, of course. However, there are volunteer programs in which people can read to patients in the hospital. What a wonderful thing to do and how welcoming it must be for a patient to receive such a kind and friendly visit from a stranger!

I got to thinking about this one day. I asked myself: what would be the most inappropriate thing to read to a hospital patient? The phone book? No, because there are lots of words in a phone book. How about a picture book? No, that's too obvious. Ah! I know! An atlas!

How would you feel if you were recovering from surgery and some goofy kid entered your room and started reading place names and landmarks out loud from an atlas? "Here's a map of California. Ah, there's Mount Whitney, the Kern River, the city of Bakersfield…"

Where's that buzzer? "Nurse! Nurse!"

The Devil's Music?

2011-03-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

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This cartoon might not mean a lot to younger readers who wouldn't remember the pre-digital age of music recording.

Way back in the "dark ages", music was distributed on vinyl records, which we listened to on devices called record players.

On some record players, particularly the ones used by radio disc jockeys, a record could be played backwards. And of course, recording studios used tape machines to do wondrous things with tape speeds and tape directions. The first time I became aware that a song could be heard backwards was in the mid-sixties with the release of a novelty song titled, "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" This particular song also had a backwards version on the "B" side of the single record. Sometimes that backwards version was played on the radio, much to some people's delight—and much to the consternation of others, particularly our generation's parents.

The next time I heard of playing a song backwards was when the Beatles released their "white album" a couple of years later. There was a rumor going around that Paul McCartney had actually died and was replaced by a double. There were tons of clues that conspiracy theorists found everywhere. One of those clues was in the song "Revolution 9". The clue was revealed if one were to play the song backwards. The repeated lyrics "Number 9? Number 9?" sounded like "Turn me on, dead man. Turn me on, dead man." How exciting it was to us youngsters to be able to find someone with a record player that allowed you to play the record backwards!

Well, I never gave another thought to the matter of subliminal messages on backwards recording until decades later. It seemed that a heavy metal band was being castigated by religious groups because their records contained satanic messages, revealed by playing them backwards. I don't remember the outcome of the controversy because I was never a big fan of heavy metal music, so what did I care? The idea that you could summon satanic forces by playing a record backward seemed rather absurd, after all. And if all parents were concerned about was that their teenaged children were sitting around listening to backwards music, then they should have been thankful that their kids weren't doing something much worse!

However, the idea occurred to me that playing music backwards to arouse the devil may be something that people have been doing for centuries rather than just recently. And since it seems that deliberately playing music backwards is mainly a child's passion, who would be a better pioneer in such a pursuit than child prodigy Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart with his little piano? Indeed.

By the way, if you're curious about the whole phenomenon of recording and playing music backwards, here's an excellent Wikipedia article on the subject: Backmasking.

Quagmire Takes A Stroll

2011-03-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

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"Jaywalking" may not be a term that is familiar to people outside of the United State. Is that correct? In case you happen to be unacquainted with the term, here's an explanation: a person who jaywalks is a pedestrian who crosses a street at any point besides an intersection or without using a designated crosswalk.

Jaywalking is illegal in most places but it is one of those rules of the road that is rarely enforced. However, it could be very dangerous. Unless a road is clear of traffic, a jaywalker could be struck and injured or killed by a vehicle.

And if you're not sure what a jay is: in North America, it's a type of bird. The one in this cartoon is a Steller's Jay, a variety of jay common to the Western part of the continent.

I have no idea why crossing the street illegally is called "jaywalking". Jays usually fly wherever they need to go. Moreover, they're rather clever birds, so they undoubtedly know better than to walk across the street at any time.

And no, jays are not tame, which makes the cartoon that much more ludicrous, don't you think?

With all that in mind, it's best if we make it easy on ourselves and simply adhere to the letter of the law, as Quagmire demonstrates in this panel.

By the way, if you like this cartoon you can buy it on any of a variety of products at my Zazzle store! Just click this link to check it out (and make a purchase!). Some of my other cartoons are also on sale at my Zazzle store. If you haven't seen them, why not take a look?

Just Take A Bit Off The Top.

2011-03-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

Click the image to see a larger version of this cartoon.

Here's a cartoon that was inspired by a real place here in California.

Mrs. Arrmac and I live in a small city smack-dab in the middle of an agricultural valley. There aren't as many orchards around here as there once were, but the remaining orchards are a pleasure to see. Even though many farmers and ranchers in these parts feel that fruit orchards are not profitable, there are still some very large expanses of land that have not (yet) been converted to row crops.

On the main highway into our town, for example, there are still some rather picturesque cherry orchards. They are truly a delight in the springtime with their lovely white blossoms. And the cherries are so very sweet and juicy!

One day, Mrs. Arrmac and I were zooming past one of the cherry orchards and I noticed that all the trees had been pruned since the last time we drove by, which had only been a few days prior. The interesting thing about this was the way they were cut back. Each tree was completely and evenly flat on the top. This wasn't just a one-time phenomenon, because this was years ago and the trees are still pruned in that manner. Whoever does the pruning does a remarkable job because not only are all the trees flat, but they are all precisely the same height!

As usual, the gears in my head started whirring a mile a minute as I pondered how those trees were pruned so rapidly in such a short time.

There was only one logical explanation. Don't you agree?

Better Safe Than Sorry!

2011-03-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

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Have you ever seen a shooting star? It's amazing, isn't it? Of course, a shooting star is not really a star—it's a meteor. Meteors are small chunks of stuff that enter into our atmosphere. As they fall toward the earth, they heat up and glow brightly. When we see them traveling and glowing in the night sky, they look like stars because from our vantage point, they appear to be the same size as real stars. During certain times of the year, our Earth passes through the tails of comets. When that happens, meteors are frequently visible on a clear night.

One of the best times to watch meteor showers is in August when hundreds of meteors can be seen over a two- to three-week stretch. It's the best time because the weather is usually favorably warm for sitting outdoors under a nice canopy of stars. The best place to watch for "falling stars" is away from urban areas where light pollution is minimal. This allows for a sky full of stars. You're bound to see a few "falling stars" if you sit patiently and keep your attention upward.

Who knows why these periodic events are called "meteor showers"? It's not like it's raining meteors! Nor can you get clean by standing around watching the meteors blaze across the sky.

English is such a funny language.

Another Take On Prehistory

2011-03-16T00:20:00.000-07:00

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In my last post, I talked about one of my rare politically oriented cartoons.

This cartoon about monkeys may be seen as a political cartoon, although politics was not my intent. Unfortunately, the debate about the theories of creationism versus evolution have become political. This can be traced to the "Scopes Monkey Trial" that took place in 1925. The issue was whether the theory of evolution should be taught in public schools. The defendant, John Scopes, was found guilty of teaching evolution, which was illegal. Even though (or because) the verdict was overturned on a technicality, the debate continues to either rage or simmer, depending on whatever else is grabbing the public's attention, to this day.

Of course, creationism as a science is a modern-day…well…creation. Before Charles Darwin put forth his ideas about natural selection in his On the Origin of Species, people believed in the various religious teachings pertaining to how human beings came into being. Darwin threw a, pardon the expression, monkey wrench into the works by suggesting that humans are not a special creation of God. Rather, Darwin's theory goes, we slowly evolved from apes over many millions of years. Within the last few decades, the old religious notions have been recast as a science called creationism. The plot gets thicker and more complicated.

Any way you look at it, we humans have been around for a long, long time. That said, in my opinion, what really matters is that here we are today in our current situation. We have enough problems to deal with TODAY and will continue to deal with those problems TOMORROW. So, how we got here is interesting to think about but whatever happened in prehistory cannot be proven one way or the other. Why not teach all theories and let each student decide what to believe and leave it at that? Ah…perhaps that's just too simple.

Look at it another way: maybe, just maybe, neither the evolutionists nor the creationists have the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Maybe something else happened. For example: what if instead of slow, gradual evolution, there was a series of sudden mutations of an ape species but not a sudden creation? Suppose that one fine afternoon a group of young apes noticed that one of their fellows was a bit different? What if some of them found that difference—a sudden mutation—to be worthy of ridicule?

Someone has to present a different theory of our origins. Why not me?

Straining At Gnats?

2011-03-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

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This is one of only a handful of cartoons that I did that approached a political topic. Normally, I stayed away from addressing current issues because my objective as a cartoonist was to elicit laughs. True, many politically oriented cartoons are indeed funny. However, the problem is that such cartoons are more frequently humorous only to those who are in agreement with the cartoonist's particular slant.

I decided to go ahead and draw this gag because it is so doggoned funny. Plus, it allowed me to make a statement about true believers and zealots.

I'm all for people holding opinions. It's only natural that each of us does. Each of us has a point of view about any number of areas of concern. Where I have to draw a line (pardon the expression) is when any individual or group holds such strong opinions that they cannot abide with any variance from their view.

I have nothing against people who feel strongly about animal rights, for example. I happen to like animals, particularly furry or feathery ones. Of all the creatures that creep, crawl, scamper, swim, or fly, mammals and birds are my favorites. That said, I have a deep respect for all animals and enjoy watching them do the things they do. Furthermore, I cannot abide by people who perpetuate cruelty to animals. There's just no call for that. In that respect, I am in agreement with some of the things for which animal-rights activists strive.

But don't get me wrong. My affection for animals doesn't prevent me from eating them once in a while. That's right—I'm an omnivore. I'll eat just about anything. There are very few foods I won't eat.

So when some people take their concern about the ethical treatment of animals to such an extreme that they declare that we all must avoid all foods that derive from animals or avoid using any products made from animals, that's the end of the line for me.

People can believe whatever they want and live their lives in whatever fashion they believe is right. On the other hand, forcing others to live exactly the same way they do is beyond the pale as far as I'm concerned.

Can't we all agree to just live and let live? Except of course, those pesky flies have got to go. Right?

Kicking The Habit

2011-03-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

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Now here's a cartoon that is based on an actual person I saw one day while walking home from the post office.

That's right, gentle readers. I truly witnessed a guy with an oxygen mask, smoking a cigarette, while sitting at a bus stop. The sight was amazing, funny, disturbing, and shocking—all at the same time.

The bus stop was located at a corner where I needed to cross the street to continue toward home. As I crossed the street, I was compelled to look back to make certain that I really did see what I thought I saw. Yep. There he was—oxygen tank and a cigarette. Wow.

I have to add that I was a bit nervous, particularly while waiting for the traffic signal to change. After all, oxygen is highly explosive and if a stray spark happened to fly off the guy's cigarette and into his breathing mask, well, that would have been both exciting and disgusting!

Well, fortunately, there was no bloody explosion that day. I hurried out of range as quickly as I could and immediately jotted down the incident on my ever-present pocket notepad for a cartoon gag idea.

The real guy on the bench at the bus stop was sitting alone. (Gee, I wonder why?) But it seemed appropriate to add another character so Oxygen Dude would have someone with whom to interact. At least in the cartoon, Oxygen Dude is making a concerted effort to kick the habit!

So there you have it, gentle reader. Proof that art does indeed imitate life! And that comedy often arises from tragedy.

What's For Dinner?

2011-03-05T23:59:00.000-08:00

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Have you ever attended a potluck dinner? If you haven't, potluck dinners are events sponsored by an organization, such as a club, a religious group, or community center. Everyone who attends is asked to bring a salad, entree, dessert, or beverage, all of which are all placed on a large table. Everyone grabs a plate and takes a little bit of each dish on the table and enjoys a sumptuous meal. In other words, going to a potluck dinner is like eating at a buffet restaurant, although the price of admission is usually nothing for a potluck dinner. Sometimes an organization may use a potluck dinner as a fundraising event. In such cases, the price of admission would be a nominal fee to support the organization.

Potluck dinners can be either pleasurable or horrifying, or both at the same time. Granted, most attendees bring some fantastically tasty dishes to potluck dinners. That's what makes potluck dinners a delight. On the other hand, there are some participants who are, shall we say, gastronomically challenged. Either the food they bring looks downright unappetizing or their dishes simply don't taste very good despite looking very appealing.

So maybe our crazy mixed-up pal Quagmire isn't so crazy and mixed up after all. He's got the right idea! He's found a way to minimize the risk of inducing nausea (or worse) in other attendees. "Bring your favorite dish" to a potluck dinner? Easy to do! How about this big bowl for a favorite dish? At least he didn't just bring Granola, his girlfriend. She's quite a dish, too, says Quagmire!

Breaking News!

2011-03-02T00:38:00.001-08:00

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Let's face it, gentle readers. Disease is never funny. Neither is religion, at least not to the deeply religious. On the other hand, when a disease can be confused with a religion, you have to laugh!

Meningitis is a particularly serious disease. It attacks the nervous system and can be debilitating without treatment.

The Mennonites are most familiarly known because of the Amish, a very strict sect that eschews modern living as much as possible. However, there are Mennonite adherents that are indistinguishable from the rest of us. I once knew such a person, an amiable individual who served as chaplain at a national monument where I was once employed nearly 40 years ago. He drove a Ford Mustang (or was it a Chevrolet Camaro?) and had a quick wit.

So to anyone who reads this blog post and happens to have suffered from meningitis, or happens to be a member of a Mennonite community, or both, I truly hope that you can join me in having a laugh. I'll bet that you'll never again think about either meningitis or the Mennonites in quite the same way!